fear of the Lord – Page 4 – The Bless Your Heart Blog

Ready

I feel like I’m to the point that I am READY.

I’m ready to meet sweet Sayble.

I’m ready to labor and push and bring her outside of my body.

I’m ready to snuggle her and swaddle her and get to know her outside of the womb.

I was scared to death of the whole labor process with both Sawyer and Wryder and I don’t feel that way this time…and I pray I don’t pass that point of readiness.

I feel like I’m perched on the diving board and I’m READY to take that leap into the deep end…the house is cleaned and organized and bags are packed and the ‘big brother/big sister’ shirts are made and we have diapers and wipes and formula and bottles and the carseat is in the truck…but labor hasn’t commenced so I can’t take that leap just yet.

I don’t want the longer I wait to increase anxiety, because that happens sometimes doesn’t it? When you feel SOOOO ready and you just wanna jump in feet first but you have to wait and then the enemy starts whispering fears into your ears…general anxiety sets in…and you’re a blubbering mess. Don’t ask me how I know.

I would LOVE to go into labor on my own this time. I haven’t had that luxury with either kid prior…apparently my womb is quite comfy. 😉 I keep telling the Lord that He knows the desires of my heart, but I trust that He’s knows best as well. He has been so faithful this pregnancy, friends.

I had so many fears going into this one. My heart so longs to be obedient to Him and I wasn’t certain that He was ok with us having a third one. I was reminded that He views children as blessings…He wants us to fill our quivers! We have the means and the ability to create more warriors for the Kingdom and He would bless this addition. He is the giver of life so even despite our efforts, if Sayble wasn’t meant to be, she wouldn’t have been. But she IS.

Her story has looked different than the other two, but no less full of His goodness and grace. After watching momma’s go through tough pregnancies and walk beside some as they lost babies and after having a bout of pre-eclampsia the day I was induced with Wryder, I have been so scared that I wouldn’t make it with this one. I didn’t want her to be born early and spend time in the NICU in a different city…I didn’t want to be scared to death and have my life threatened with pre-e…I didn’t know how I would carry her to term when I already felt so huge…

But? We’ve made it…and none of that has come to pass. He has showed me that He is trustworthy…again and again and again… Lest we forget…

We go in for another checkup tomorrow…and until He’s ready for her to make her debut, we will wait expectantly for her arrival. I will savor these kicks and stretches and countless bathroom breaks and never-ending house cleanings and day dreams about her sweet face and the last happenings as a family of four.

Pray for our family in this time…that we would wait well and that we would savor these days together…that labor would come in His time and that all would be safe and well and healthy…that we would honor Him with our story of Sayble’s life…all of our lives…He is most worthy.

Maybe So

One of the many things that attracted me to my sweet hubby was his love for family and kids. That’s pretty darn attractive, let me tell ya.

1777_104784770334_974_n — With our sweet friend Jadia

I’m not just a huge kid person myself. I mean, I LOVE mine…and I like other well behaved, disciplined, polite children *ahem*…but he innately loves kiddos!

I distinctly remember a visit we had from some family friends about a month or so before Sawyer was born. We were still in Denver at the time and they were talking to him about working so much. They made a comment that that would probably change soon once this sweet little girl was wrapped around his finger.

He was kinda sheepish about the whole ordeal. I wouldn’t say he was trying to deny the fact that she would be wrapped around his finger…maybe he knew…

But maybe he didn’t quite know just how deep a daddy’s love for his little girl would really run.

Fast forward a month to her birth and he was so in love.

Baby Sawyer, a few days old…and one proud daddy

She slept with him the first night becaus her body temp was a little down and they wanted someone to snuggle her. I was exhausted and could barely take care of myself so he took over. Pretty sure that sealed the deal.

Fast forward nine more months and we were living on faith and our savings account as he searched for another career that allowed him more time with his family. I’ve got one amazing man…

May I just say, the words of our friends have come true, too? She’s definitely wrapped around his finger…in a good way, too.

There is no one she trusts more than her daddy. He is such a pillar of unwavering everything! He’s even tempered, he’s consistent, he’s faithful, he’s gracious, he’s merciful, he’s a man of his word…and he’s just plain fun.

I know how well and fully he loves me and I see how well he loves our children, too. He works so hard to go above and beyond to provide for us. He makes us a priority. He never treats us like we’re a burden. He teaches us and leads us. He gets us into adventurous mischief. He prays for us and over us. He takes time to do and talk about the things that are important to us. Like pink sorting sticks…

There’s a guy at the sale barn that uses a pink sorting paddle and Sawyer has had her eye on it for quite some time. She’s mentioned it to me before and yesterday was no different. Wrex saw her talking and pointing and I told him she wanted a pink sorting paddle like Mr. Kyle. He smiled and kinda giggled and I didn’t think much else about it.

We loaded up and went home and daddy finished buying cows and come home a little after supper. He called me outside to show me something…which usually involves feathers or fur *ahem*…but not this time.

He had gone to the vet clinic to grab some meds for some calves and he picked up a little something else…a pink sorting stick. I will forever have his face tattooed in my mind’s eye; it was another one of those sheepish looks that was oh so sweet. He knew it wasn’t anything she NEEDED. We have a green paddle and a couple of sorting sticks. He knew it wasn’t for a holiday or birthday…he just knew he loved his little girl and that the smile on her face would be well worth the potential “spoilage.”

He was right.

She was ECSTATIC. Wanted to sleep with it, even. She shoved her last two bites of supper in her mouth, threw on her boots and was headed to the barn.

She helped him “work calves” with it last night…

…and a few goats, too.

I don’t know what it was about that silly stick that got me so teary…but it did. Still am.

Maybe because I wasn’t expecting it myself.

Maybe because my parents would’ve done the same thing.

Maybe because it was so unlike his frugal character.

Maybe just because it showed oh so much love.

Maybe so…

Love is in the Air

It’s looking pretty pink around here!

The kids helped me decorate for Valentine’s day this week and I must say that it’s just so cheery and sweet around here.

I LOVE love…probably because I have the best husband on the face of the planet…and I LOVE Valentine’s day. I’m not one of these cynical people that think it’s a Hallmark holiday and that you should love your spouse everday. To that I say, well DUH. But what’s the harm in specifically showing them that on a certain day? There’s none. Love away, friends…love away.

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Sawyer took little Valentine’s to her Cubbies class on Wednesday. She’s not big into sweets but she loves marshmallows! She found some heart shaped marshmallows that she just had to have so we made little s’mores packets.

I need s'more friends like you! — I need s’more friends like you!

She ate her marshmallows on the way home and gave the cookies and chocolate to dad.

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We tried out some heart hair yesterday and it’s sooooooo cute!

This was post-nap so you can see it held up quite well!

We took a section of hair and secured it in a ponytail. Then we sent the whole ponytail back UP through the section of hair. Divide the ponytail in half and twist the left section counter clockwise and the right section clockwise and you see a heart start to form. Secure the bottom of the heart with a rubber band and voila! Cute, easy Valentine hair!

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We snapped some pics of the kids last Sunday in front of some pink and red Valentine bunting I made. I made these two little cards to send out to the grandparents and aunts and uncles. The kiss is my FAVE.

They. Are. So. CUTE. (If I do say so myself…)

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I’ve had the privilege of having this guy as my valentine for 13 years! How blessed am I??

He is, hands down, the best thing that has ever happened to me (next to Jesus), though he’s a gift straight from Him, I know.

He loves me so unconditionally, so wholly…He is definitely the better half of this relationship, no doubt. He points us straight to Jesus and exudes the fruit of the Spirit more than any person I’ve ever met.

Happy Valentine’s Day, honey! YOU are why I love this day! I pray I can love you just as well as you love me; I’ll die trying, that’s for sure. I don’t even want to think about doing this life without you. Smooch. Smooch. Smooch.

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Happy heart day!

I’m Trying

A friend of mine from high school just lost her sweet four year old baby girl. She had a bacterial infection that turned septic and is now in the arms of Jesus.

I found out last Friday night and was so shocked and dumb founded. I was breezing through Facebook and I saw her post and thought it was going to say her daughter was having a birthday or was getting a new sibling or something…anything but that.

Having a sweet little four year old myself, it hit me pretty hard…as most things dealing with death or mommies and babies often do. I sat weeping in my chair for a good ten minutes, crying out to the Lord on their behalf. How incredibly, ridiculously unfair…

One of my biggest fears is to lose my babies…especially too soon. How soon is too soon? Would there EVER be a good enough amount of time that it would be ok for them to go? No. Not yet, Lord. Not yet.

I often feel like I’ve led a decently charmed life. I grew up in a home with two parents, even if their love and marriage wasn’t perfect. We never wanted for much and my parents did everything in their power to make sure that we were more than provided for. They were never sick or seriously injured, nor was my brother or I; we didn’t face any catastrophic childhood diseases or lose a parent before we were married. I wasn’t bullied, nor did I struggle in school with making friends or with academics or with extracurricular success. I married a man that is so much more than I ever dreamed or imagined. We’re out of debt, have 2.6 beautiful, healthy, happy children. We don’t want for much and are blessed more than we even deserve. We haven’t experienced a devastating loss or blow or catastrophe…

When you hear stories about kiddos dying or you turn on the news or venture out past your own front porch…you start to wonder…when is it gonna be my time? When will I be the one holding the cards of doom? When will it be my family that’s going through the agonizing pain of loss? Because, isn’t it due me???

Do you ever feel that way? The defense system in me rises up to be prepared and to take all the steps necessary so THAT doesn’t happen…but that’s not even remotely possible. How do we shield ourselves and our family from every kind of evil or every bacteria or virus or every freak accident or every decision of everyone around us? We can’t. We’d be exhausted. We’d be spent. We’d be dry and weary and empty. Don’t ask me how I know…

These precious people I get to call my family are just far better than I ever imagined they’d be. In my wildest of dreams, I couldn’t have designed a better group of people to share my days with; they are just something else…and the thought of losing any or all of them makes me physically ill.

I am continually dragging myself back to the foot of the cross, laying my family down again and again and again. I KNOW He loves them more than I do (so hard to really grasp that, isn’t it??) and I have to trust that He will protect them better than I ever could…or believe that I could. It’s a process. And it’s going to continue to be a process for me.

Part of the “laying down” is going to have to involve more than just my family, more than just “my arrows.” It’s a laying down of what I think my life should look like. If I truly believe He is sovereign and good and that His ways are best, I have to choose to believe that whatever story gets written for me is good and best. I’m not quite there yet, I’ll be honest. How in the world can losing your little girl be His best for someone?? For anyone??

I don’t want to find out. And that’s the crazy part, isn’t it?? That His best might involve loss, yet we hold on so tightly because we don’t want to have to walk through the bouts of sometimes agonizing pain that are sure to come just to see the other side. Is it worth it? I don’t even think I want to know…

And not that His best always includes THAT kind of loss…but there’s always a loss of something; something we have to lay down for our own good…for His best. That’s part of following Christ, isn’t it? We can’t keep holding onto the same old sinful things and expect life to be different. To live your life you’ve got to lose it…

I ran across this post from a friend of a friend who has struggled through more than her fair share of loss in the past two years. Her strength and resiliency and faith have moved me and astounded me more than I can put into words. She wrote this on January 1st of this year; the timing of her writing and my reading was not lost on me. Maybe it’s time for something new…

It was appropriately titled – Lay It Down. (Full credit to Lindsey Dennis of vaporandmist.wordpress.com…my hyperlink button isn’t working)

My rights to how my family may form
My rights to watch a little baby grow up
My rights to what my life “should” look like

Lay it down
he says
Lay it down…
lose your life and you will find it. – Matthew 10:39

It is often not until the expectations of your life come to a crashing halt
disappointment ensues
that you realize you had any expectations at all,
that you were holding on to your life.

It is the privilege, the blessing of the sufferers,
the disappointed
the broken hearted
to learn to lay it down-
to wrestle in the laying down-
to know HIM in the laying down.

And the laying down gives us room –
Room to dream.
Room to breath.
Room to hope,
to hope in the one who is the author of hope
to hope that all will not be as expected,
it will be far greater
it will be true living
when we lay it down.

To know that he knows the way we take. -Job 23:10
He directs our steps. -Proverbs 16:9
And He knows, He Knows, He KNOWS…
The why of the blessing that has come in a form you never thought would be the way he would ask you to take…
The blessed to be a blessing.

We were blessed with two daughters in the past two years, but for a moment.
To be a blessing both now and to come.

And I’m laying down the “to come”
Because just as this year I anticipated a different path to joy our lives would take,
a baby in our arms, in our home…
I could never have written what unfolded.
It was and is broken and beautiful.
And still the grace that has been given in the broken pieces is finding a way to feed our souls,
To direct our steps
To be multiplied into the lives of others.

I want to plan this next year,
anticipate,
hope
for the blessings I think best.

Lay it down
he says
and
I will give you ALL.

The blessing has been Him. ALL him. Always him.
We just sometimes can’t see it or want it to be different or think that the fullness of joy can’t really come from simply just His presence.

“No good thing does he withhold from him whose walk is blameless”
-Psalm 84:11

The goodness is Jesus, redemption, rescue, grace.
Jesus in the pain. Jesus in the joy.
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.

“I count all as loss compared to the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.”
-Philippians 3:8

That’s how good it is to know him.
I see it more in the loss,
in the laying down.

“And suffering produces endurance
and endurance produces character
and character produces hope.
And hope does not disappoint.“
-Romans 8:3-5

The kind of hope that comes from the love of God
poured down
poured in
poured through
poured out.

Lay it down.

It’s the only way to love, to hope, to joy…
the kind we really want,
the kind we really need.
the kind that will pour out blessing upon blessing,
not the material kind-
the eternal kind.
The blessings that matter.

Lay down your rights,
your dreams,
your hopes,
your expectations

To the one who Loves. Who is LOVE. Who pours Love out and in and through and around…
and covers us with his love in more ways then we could imagine. -Ephesians 3:20

And let him rebuild
renew
restore
with dreams far greater
hopes unexpected
JOY found in the most unlikely of places.

It comes in the suffering
the trials
the broken pieces
the mundane places

This is where we either lay it down, or clench our fists.
This is where we learn to hope or walk the bitter path.

It is a constant, daily, moment by moment surrender.

It is a life of laying down our lives… to the one who laid down his life for us.

It is a life where beauty is found in the surrender.

Oh Lord, let this be a year of laying it down.
Of counting all as loss compared to knowing you.
That I would know more deeply what the Psalmist says:
“In your presence there is fullness of Joy.” -Psalm 16:11

It is you Jesus. Always you.
And tomorrow when I forget,
and I clench my fists and hold on to my dreams,
remind me to lay it down.
That YOU are where life is found.

I’m trying, Lord….

Random Rambles

This weekend was filled with a lot of sorry football. Sigh. I get so excited for the playoffs – especially when we’re a part of them – and I attempt to really relish the last couple of games before we say goodbye for 6 months…

I was just sorely disappointed this weekend. Four times over. The Patriots won (not a fan), the Seahawks won (not a fan). The Cowboys lost and our Broncos forgot to show up for the game. Sad, sad days.

My little football fan made the weekend better just by being her. I love her enthusiasm; it’s contagious!

The best part of the game, hands down... — The best part of the game, hands down…

Sayble rooting on the Bronco's, compliments of the husband's stellar photography. :) — Sayble rooting on the Bronco’s, compliments of the husband’s stellar photography. 🙂

Alas, there will be more football games to watch and I haven’t really thought about it again until I started this blog post. Must mean there are more important things in life…can you believe it? 😉

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I’m loving the Bible study I told you about earlier last week. I love dissecting a simple Scripture and allowing the Lord to have His way through His word.

Yesterday’s verse just got me! I know I’ve read it several times before and I know it’s one of a series of verses on our refrigerator, but yesterday it hit me like a ton of bricks. (Abridged version below). Ahem.

Proverbs 3:7-8 says:

Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom.
Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil.
Then you will have healing for your body
and strength for your bones.

Healing for your body…….. I want that! We all have our own health/body issues and the Lord is telling us how to heal them…fear the Lord and turn away from evil.

Health issues really scare me. (There, I said it). I have a heart arrhythmia that’s deemed non-dangerous but when it acts up (especially for hours or days on end) it can send me into a tailspin.

A lot of it the responsibility I feel in being a mother. I’m home all day with my kids. I have the responsibility to BE ALIVE to care for them. So when my heart acts up or my blood sugar gets low and wonky or I feel weird or off or just not 100%, fear creeps in so fast, unfortunately.

In all of my fear, I get so often wrapped up in keeping myself alive.

If I just don’t move…

If I just lie down…

If I concentrate really hard…

If I prep Sawyer on how to get help if I need it…

If I make sure and be near a hospital…

If I make sure and have Wrex come right home from work…

If I have a backup plan…

If I, If I, If I…

It’s all on ME! THAT is relying on my own wisdom, as if I could truly keep myself alive if I wanted to.

And He gives His people wisdom, no doubt! I know there are common sense things I should/shouldn’t do to prevent death or an accident, but I know I so often tend to hold whatever I’m fearful of REALLY close to home and attempt to control it as best I can. Sometimes, it works. Scared of driving on bad roads? Don’t go out. But I have to learn that if it’s the Lord’s will to spare us or take us, He will spare us or take us regardless. I have to learn that He really is trustworthy…He hasn’t failed me yet.

Instead, fear the Lord…revere Him, honor Him, respect Him, stand in awe of Him…then you will have healing for your body.

Man, I need that. I NEED that.

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The kids have loved the kitchen set we got them for Christmas.

We’ve gathered a lot of “food” over the past few years it seems. One of their favorite things to do as of late is have feasts!

That's a lot of food! — That’s a lot of food!

Sawyer pulled out all the stops and hosted a feast for her and brother and some of her favorite friends. It takes a little time to put together and clean up but it’s sure fun to gnaw on wooden cucumbers with furry guests…

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We pulled out the construction paper this morning and made these with the kiddos.

For some reason, Wryder did NOT like having his hands traced (though it’s one of Sawyer’s favorite things in the world….go figure) and cried through the majority of the lesson. Here’s to hoping SOMETHING soaked in…

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Hubby is on his way home, the kids are napping and I’m enjoying a few moments of quiet with some coconut coffee while listening to the dryer whir as I watch little tiny snowflakes fall.
Here’s to an equally peaceful afternoon for you…

Wanna Join Me?

A dear friend of mine, Sarah, has teamed up with Katie Ferrell of Dashing Dish for a 30 day Fit SPIRIT challenge and I’m taking it! Wanna join me?

It’s easy-peasy and uber rewarding – what’s not to love?

The challenge will be based on the SOAP method of bible reading. SOAP stands for Scripture, Observation, Application and Prayer.

From Sarah:

Using SOAP as your guide to bible reading is a powerful way to make the Word of God come alive in your everyday life. It is especially helpful if you’re new to studying Gods word and need a place to start!

Before you begin, I highly recommend getting out a good old fashioned pen and paper to write out your SOAP. I promise you it will have infinitely more power than simply reading through the steps! And, as always before spending time in God’s word, I recommend praying! Ask Him to reveal himself to YOU on a personal level and to give you clear discernment to recognize His voice!

How does it work?

1.) Scripture: To begin you choose a scripture. We have provided a daily scripture calendar to guide you, but don’t feel limited by these suggestions. Let the Holy Spirit guide you if there is a verse He has for you each day! First, read the scripture verse. Because it’s kept short you can really study the verse. I would suggest re-reading it, using bible study apps to read it in several translations, look up the meaning of words to really gain understanding of their meaning. This is your time to really understand the verse.

2.) Observation: What did you observe about the scripture that struck you. This can be one sentence or a whole book.

3.) Application: How can you apply the observation so that it affects your life today? What is God revealing to you? How can you make His word alive and applicable through that scripture verse today?

4.) Prayer: Write out a prayer to God based on what you just learned and ask him to help you apply this truth in your life.

There’s a downloadable calendar with pre-selected Scriptures you can use but don’t be afraid to the let the Holy Spirit be your guide; just get in the Word!

You can find out more about Sarah’s heart and the group challenge here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/483359068472251/

Who’s in?? Let me know! Get out your journals and a good pen and let’s get more spiritually fit together!

Random Rambles

It’s Wednesday…and it’s felt a bit like a Monday. Sawyer had Cubbie bear for the week and I needed to print pictures for his adventure journal. Lo and behold, of the seven ink cartridges in our printer, light magenta was out so it refused to print a thing! Is it just me or does it sound like the printer needs to learn how to compromise a little??

I saved the pics to my flash drive and loaded everybody up so we could go print them in town. As I was buckling Wryder in his car seat I realized I didn’t have my keys, even though I had just locked the house door. No biggie, I’ll get the spare key. Oh. Wait. The spare is on my keyring because I lost the original. *ahem*

I called Wrex and he told me the best place to break into the house (which I shall not divulge here). I got in and went to grab my keys which I knew were on the kitchen table…but they weren’t there now. I looked EVERYWHERE. Trashcan…toy room…mud room…car…called Wrex to see if he had them…confirmed with Sawyer they were on the table. At this point, I knew Wryder must have been the culprit.

I finally told the Lord that I had no idea where else to look and I asked for His help – novel idea! I went back inside and I felt like I was supposed to put a bag of tortilla chips back in the pantry that Wryder had drug out (seriously, what is this kid’s deal with corn chips today??) and as I did, I thought they might be in there! I looked where we keep the chips and saw nothing. Just as I was about to shut the door, I saw a little glint by a bag of potatoes – my keys!

He cares, even about my keys…

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So, back to Cubbie. He go to spend the week with us and I had one happy girl on my hands!

Cubbie even got to travel to Denver with us for the weekend and we made a stop at Krispy Kreme’s so he and the kiddos could watch them make the doughnuts!

When we got home, we had three day old baby chicks that they had to check out! Cubbie even got to hold a couple!

Sawyer's favorite - Marshmallow Gravy — Sawyer’s favorite chick – Marshmallow Gravy

These two had a lot of fun together. I’m sure she’s not ready to let him go but it’s time for another adventure with one of her classmates.

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Our time in Denver was so special. We got to spend some good time with the bestie and her family – always a good time! The kids love playing with Baby Eva.

It’s so fun to watch my kids play with my bestie’s kids. It’s one of those things you kind of dream about and then when you get to watch it come to fruition, it’s a sweet, sweet thing.

We got to spend some time with the bestie’s extended family…which is our extended family. Sawyer’s Cubbie’s lesson this past week was about how the Lord gives us family that aren’t always blood, and that’s exactly what these people are. We may not be flesh of their flesh, but we are definitely family of the heart and soul and spirit.

He has been so faithful to do this for us…for me. When everyone is scattered across the country and some homes have been broken, He’s been so faithful to fill those gaps with some of the most important people in my life. I’m forever grateful…

Friday night, we celebrated family birthdays with them and it was just such a warm, familiar time. Sitting around the living room as the evening wore on, I just sat there observing the circle of people around me and thinking, “I want this. I love this. THIS is family.”

There’s trust and respect and genuine affection…there’s easy smiles and belly laughs and warmth…I just wanted to freeze that moment for all time.

The grandkids organized a talent show of sorts and about four people in, Sawyer wanted to get up and dance for everyone. While this is something she would do at our house for Wrex and I, our little introvert wouldn’t do that everywhere. I LOVED that she felt safe enough to do so there; it was so telling.

Seriously, it was a good night.

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I’ve been reading in Isaiah lately (one of my FAVORITE FAVORITE books) and this morning’s passage was so beautiful.

It was from Isaiah 65 and He talks about the new heaven and the new earth. It says, “The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind.”

“Never again will there be in it an infant who lives but a few days,or an old man who does not live out his years;”

“They will not labor in vain, nor will they bear children doomed to misfortune; for they will be a people blessed by the Lord, they and their descendants with them.”

I guess I had never read those verses before?? OR maybe they haven’t meant as much as they do these days.

SOOOOOOOO often my heart longs for heaven. Usually, it’s a selfish, please-rescue-us-from-the-madness-and-injustice-of-this-world kind of thing. I’m not really ready to go without my family…I guess I’m just ready for Him to come and this new reign to begin. And I think that’s a good place to keep my heart sometimes. Not on this world…on Him and His heavenly kingdom…but it’s not always easy.

There will be a day…when all you’ve gone through…will be no more. No more tears…no more suffering…no more heartache…no more bitterness…no more hurt…no more what ifs…no more…

Until then, I will attempt to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus…the author and finisher of my faith.

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In case you missed it on Facebook this morning, my sweet boy was up to his usual food scavenging shenanigans.

I had just finished cleaning up from breakfast (in which he had two scrambled eggs with cheese, a piece of toast and a cup of milk) and sat down to help Sawyer with Cubbies when he came in munching on a taco shell. What?!

I have no idea how he even got in the pantry, rummaged around and got one out of the box…or why he thought he was still hungry.

Regardless, how could you be mad at this sweet face?

Blog Buddies

Yesterday was this gorgeous lady’s birthday.

This world needs more of her, no doubt. I need more of her for sure!

She blogged yesterday about being a darn good nonna, which she most definitely is. This blog is one of my favorites she’s ever written. SOOOOO much wisdom for you other mommas (and daddies) out there. This is the kind of parent I hope I’m becoming…one just like my Daddy.

Read up here: http://www.jeanierhoades.com/on-being-a-grand-mom-nonna/

Guaranteed to bless your heart…

My Mema

Tonight after supper, we were sitting around listening to music as a family. Wrex started playing the kids some of his favorite songs growing up and before long, “Song of the South” by Alabama came up on the list. Trust me, it is one of his favorites; I can hear it blaring through the halls of the boys’ dorm in Clarendon now…

That song got me thinking about Mema, my dad’s mom. She picked a lot of cotton in her day…for sure one of the toughest (yet sweetest) ladies I’ve ever met. She wasn’t afraid of any kind of work. I would stand to reckon she was on her feet 12 hours a day, even in her 70’s. It’s hard to do her justice with a simple blog post…but I’ll try.

She was known for her good cooking! She was a true southern woman that cooked from scratch…with lots of Crisco. She cooked three meals a day, every day and often invited our family over to partake in her fixin’s. She made the world’s best roast and world’s best pinto beans and fried cornbread – my favorites! And her sweets! She made chocolate cake with this thick, fudge icing that was to die for! At every holiday, she probably made ten or more pies because each guest had their favorite. (Mine was this lemon gelatin pie with a graham cracker crust…delish!)

She loved my brother and I to no end! I think I mentioned before that she always had a little shed or playhouse for us. She’d buy us 5th Avenue bars and circus peanuts and we’d eat them while watching the Price is Right or Doctor Quinn, Medicine Woman. We were fortunate enough to live across the street from them for a good ten years of our life and got to spend significant time over there, especially when we were younger.

In the summer when my parents were working during the day, we spent most of the work day running in and out of her screen door and making mud pies in her backyard.

She gave the world’s best back scratches. I can still see her hands in my mind. They were old and arthritic; her knuckles swollen to twice their size a lot, with pretty filed up fingernails.

She was a worshiper! She sang and hummed all day long…washing dishes or cooking with her dish towel thrown over her shoulder, much like I find myself doing when I’m in the kitchen, too.

I always loved her Bible. It was a big, black one with rose colored page edges. She always had the inside covers filled with birthdays and anniversaries and baptisms and I loved to skim through it and read all the little notes she’d written inside.

She had the cutest little curse words, too. 🙂 I can still see her face screwed up in disgust over something on the news and can hear her saying, “Well, pudding foot!” or “God bless a mule!” Of course, there were some “bless his heart”s thrown in there every now and then.

My parents did a really good job of teaching us to honor our grandparents and to serve them when they couldn’t serve themselves. Every Saturday for a good ten years, my mom or dad would load them both up and take them to shop at Wal-Mart and then the grocery store; no small feat with two kids and two people in their 70’s/80’s.

They came to any and every function of mine and my brother’s that they were able to. They showed us so much love and so much encouragement and so much devotion. Pretty sure we did no wrong in their eyes… I loved any and every minute that I had with them and doggone it, there just weren’t enough.

My Papa died when I was a junior in high school and my Mema seemed to go downhill rather quickly after that. She bounced around from each of the siblings’ homes for a while and then had to be put in a nursing home.

I wish I’d have had more time with her. I wish I’d have listened to more stories and more history. I wish I wouldn’t have thought my life at 18, 19 and 20 was so much more important than anything else in the world. I wish I would’ve made the time to see her more, even if she had no idea who I was. I wish she were still alive and lucid so that my husband and kids could really know the wonderful woman I knew…I have no doubt that she’d think that Sawyer and Wryder hung the moon!

Wrex and I happened to be in Texas when we got word from the nursing home that she didn’t have much longer. We all went down to see her and it was such a hard, awkward thing for me. I’m one of those people that feels so things soooooo deeply that it physically hurts…and this was one of them.

I remember being half scared to move or say or anything; I just stood towards the back of the room and looked at her from afar. Oh, the guilt I carry from that…it kills me. I remember she kept moving her arm or hand under the covers and we didn’t realize what was going on and it finally hit us; she actually did recognize my brother and I…and she was waving. Once we waved back, she stopped. It was one of those beautiful God moments that I don’t feel like I took full advantage of.

I remember my dad giving her drops of water with a cotton swab and him petting her hair and talking to her so sweetly. I remember thinking that this really couldn’t be it, could it? She seemed half alert and ok, though she was so small and frail. I don’t really remember saying goodbye…a proper one at least…and then we got the call as we were driving back to Colorado that she had passed.

I am so thankful that she knew the Lord and that because of that, I will be reunited with her in heaven one day. I just have to believe the Lord will allow me redeem that time with her… Mema, forgive me for being so awkward and selfish in your final moments; it wasn’t a true reflection of my heart for you…

Oh, how I want my kids to know and understand the rich history and heritage that they come from; to know and appreciate their grandparents and great-grandparents. I want them to sacrifice their days serving them and caring for them; they are why we are. I want them to truly understand that our time here is short and the things we think are important in the moment, just might not be. I want them to be unafraid of their emotions and to understand that showing love and letting go can hurt…but that not doing so can hurt worse…

She was a good woman, that Mema. Darn these pregnancy hormones…

Much Rejoicing

About a month ago, I felt like my Bible time with the kids had waned a bit and I woke up one morning just thinking/praying that I’d like to just find something to teach them some basic biblical truths. I got online and searched for pre-school type devotionals and the Lord led me to one called Truth for Kids. Exactly what I was looking for, yes?

Now, some of it’s a little cheesy and the graphics are a little outdated and I’ve found a few spelling/grammatical errors, but the meat seems to be right on the money. Every morning at breakfast, we’ve been studying these basic biblical truths and learning scripture and it has been a blessing to me, too.

A couple of days ago, we learned about how the Lord makes us a new creation once we choose to confess our sins and follow Him. The little devotional talked about how in our sin, we’re like an ugly old caterpillar but when we accept Jesus to be the Lord of our lives, He transforms us into a beautiful butterfly.

At lunch yesterday, Sawyer was putting her dishes in the dishwasher and she started to say, “That ugly old…” and she caught herself. I said, “Good catch, sugar. We don’t say ugly.”

In the next second, we both thought of the caterpillar and we said, “Except for that caterpillar.” I told her that in that instance, it was definitely ok to use ugly, because that is exactly how our sin is. She said, “Yeah, I want to tell brother about the caterpillar. And I want to ask Jesus into my heart.”

I told her we could do it right then and there! (I think I might have gotten a little too excited *ahem* because her shyness took over and she took a while finishing at the dishwasher…then she wanted her blanket…then she decided she just wanted to play). I wasn’t going to force her into that decision so I just told her that whenever she was ready, Jesus was ready for her.

She came back about five minutes later and said, “I’m ready to ask Jesus into my heart.”

So we did! We prayed together. She said she was a sinner and that Jesus died on the cross. She said she wanted Jesus to live in her heart and be in charge. Then she said, “But I’m not going to change my mind.”

I asked, “Change your mind about what, sweetie?” She said, “About being married and being a mom. He can live in my heart, but I still want to stay here with you guys!”

She has been sooooooo concerned about that lately and I think she thinks the two are connected somehow; if Jesus is in your heart then you are/become a wife and mom. How sweet is that? We talked that through and she felt a lot better about it…even though we prayed about it again upstairs. 🙂

I am such a joyful, proud momma this morning. I am boasting in Christ, because every good thing about her comes from Him – of that I have no doubt. She is leaps and bounds ahead of me in this life and I’m glad she is! It will serve her well…

Thank you, Lord, that you give us the free will to choose you!

Thank you that you forgive our sins as far as the east is from the west!

Thank you that you want to be in relationship with us from a very early age.

Thank you for what you’ve done in Sawyer.

Sweet girl, you will never regret this decision – I promise you that. Your name is written in the Lamb’s Book of Life and no one or no thing can revoke that. I pray that satan does not steal the joy of your salvation and daddy and I join forces with you to push away his nasty attempts to distract and restrain you. This is the beginning of a beautiful journey and I pray that you follow close to Him all the days of your life. I pray that you call upon the riches of the Holy Spirit in you to guide your every thought and word and action. Go take the Kingdom by storm, sweet girl! We are so proud of the wonderful little sweetie you are; you bless us!

Sweet Sawyer, seconds after asking Jesus into her heart... — Sweet Sawyer, seconds after asking Jesus into her heart…

*****If any of you reading this have questions about following Christ or confessing sin or what He did on the cross, please don’t hesitate to shoot me a message or comment and I’ll be glad to help answer those. It’s a life changing decision to be an heir with Christ…one you won’t regret!*****