mema – The Bless Your Heart Blog

Not Where I Thought My Morning Was Going

My adopted mom nearly killed me today. Can you believe that?! I went to her blog to find a post on Halloween that she did several years ago (that I love and wanted to share with the world) but found myself reading her latest two blog posts, which I did not know were up.

Ouch. My heart hurts.

I’m one of those people that feels things REALLY deeply and have to really prepare myself for things like that and I just dove right in…

We walked that path with my dad’s mom (my Mema) and then with my great-grandma on my mom’s side (Mema Helen) and now my grandma on my mom’s side (Grandma Cherry). We saw her (Grandma Cherry) last in June and it was a stark and drastic decline from what I had seen last. Her eyes just seemed so empty…

Alzheimer’s (or any other life-stealing disease) is so hard. It’s hard for the one experiencing it and it’s hard for everyone caring for them and it’s hard to see a person become a totally different person. Really.

As sad as I found her posts, I also found them so honoring. She sure loves her momma…

It’s important to honor our loved ones, especially our elders. My parents were so so so very good at that.

I had the privilege of living across the street from my grandparents (my dad’s parents) for the majority of my childhood. I wish I would’ve have fully realized how cool that was…

Every Saturday, my mom or dad would load up those two 70 (and then 80) year olds and take them to Wal-Mart and to the grocery store and anywhere else they needed to go. My parents would wait patiently as they did all of their shopping (as they moved a little slower than we did) and then they’d tie the tops of their bags so we could keep them all separate and load them in the back of our tiny little car. We’d usually stop and grab burgers or chicken and eat lunch with them at their home.

I don’t think I realized at the time what a chore and sacrifice this was…but I know how much work it is with three littles and I assume it’s much the same.

My parents always made sure to include them in all of our school activities and they were always finding ways (and consciously looking for ways) to serve them. This is something that will not be lost on my children…

Start now creating a culture of honor in your home. YOU honor your elders and help your kids follow suit. Go visit…take gifts…make time…pick up the phone…draw pictures…make cards…encourage conversation…tell stories…record histories…take photos…shift your priorities…

These old bodies of ours won’t last forever; they will wither and fade along with the minds and memories of some. Thank the Lord, there is no disease in heaven… But while they are still here and still with us and still able to fully understand what we’re trying to say, I encourage you to tell them how much you love them…take the time to care for them…to honor them…to find ways to bless them (not baby them)…to glean from them the pieces of the legacy of their lives that they have left to share…

So while I want you to reclaim the night on Halloween eve and shine that light for Jesus, what I really want you to do is shine that light for Jesus and hug your family. Tell them how much you love them and vow to honor them when they need it most…when their mind and memory is slipping away and it feels their independence is shriveling.

Mema Helen, now with Jesus - restored to the highest degree — Mema Helen, now with Jesus – restored to the highest degree

Grandma Cherry - five or so years ago — Grandma Cherry – five or so years ago

with my little, curly-haired brother... — with my little, curly-haired brother…

It’s rolling down hill for all of us, isn’t it, this aging thing? We aren’t meant to live here and in these bodies forever…we were made for a short time here and an eternity with our Creator.

For now, let us make these years count…for ourselves and those we love…

Living Proof

So yesterday, I wrote about my Mema. And today? I have to brag on the Lord.

I think you may have picked up on it yesterday, but I have carried soooooooo much guilt in my heart for the past 10 years about her passing.

I think most of the guilt stems from that last time I saw her, the day she passed, as I mentioned in the blog. It was just so hard for me. I absolutely stink at awkward situations because they affect me (and hurt me) so much…which I’m slowly learning just isn’t an excuse.

Everything I blogged about was all I remembered… I remember that my parents and my brother were there and my dad’s brother, but that’s all I remembered. I remember we drove all the way back to Colorado that night, but I don’t remember a ton else. I didn’t remember really telling her goodbye or going near her and it has hurt all these years. How could I not?? How could I not just wrap her up in a huge hug and make sure she knew that I loved the stuffing out of her?

Last night, I cried for almost four hours off and on! I was just telling the Lord that I KNOW guilt isn’t from Him – I know that – I just couldn’t pin point why I was feeling it so heavily. I asked Him to help me to assuage that guilt…to receive the grace I have no doubt that my Mema would’ve given. I just wanted to make sure she knew I loved her…

Some of my cousins replied and shared good memories and it was so sweet to see how much they loved her, too. Truly a testament of her love for us.

I woke up this morning and I had a message in my inbox and when I saw the little red 1, I assumed it was from a cousin like before………but it wasn’t. It was my brother.

And? He was used as an answer to my prayer.

He said this:

Hey fyi you weren’t selfish in mema’s final moments…. I can remember that day very clearly and while you were standoffish at first, Wanda started talking to her and you and you sat on the bed with her for a few min…. It was a hard day but she knows you loved her very much and that it was hard for you to see her that way…. Love you stef

OH. MY. GOODNESS. He remembered what I couldn’t! I had totally forgotten that Wanda (who was a special, older cousin to us. I distinctly remember being little, little, little and EVERY time we saw her, she sang “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine” to me. Still can’t hardly listen to that song without crying) was there! After he said that, I COMPLETELY remembered! And I do remember sitting on her bed next to her tiny body and petting her hand.

I don’t know what I said, if anything, but I’m so glad to know that I didn’t just stand against the back wall and just be present…

My goodness.

I’m just in such awe this morning. Thank you, Lord, for answering my prayer…for healing my heart…and for a brother who took time out of his day to make sure I knew that.

While I’ve had a few more tears this morning and find myself fighting the enemy, I do feel so much freer. It still feels raw and there’s lots of emotion, but it feels different. It’s like I can smile through the tears…

He is so good, friends. He wants us whole…and free…and healed. This little story is living proof of that.

My Mema

Tonight after supper, we were sitting around listening to music as a family. Wrex started playing the kids some of his favorite songs growing up and before long, “Song of the South” by Alabama came up on the list. Trust me, it is one of his favorites; I can hear it blaring through the halls of the boys’ dorm in Clarendon now…

That song got me thinking about Mema, my dad’s mom. She picked a lot of cotton in her day…for sure one of the toughest (yet sweetest) ladies I’ve ever met. She wasn’t afraid of any kind of work. I would stand to reckon she was on her feet 12 hours a day, even in her 70’s. It’s hard to do her justice with a simple blog post…but I’ll try.

She was known for her good cooking! She was a true southern woman that cooked from scratch…with lots of Crisco. She cooked three meals a day, every day and often invited our family over to partake in her fixin’s. She made the world’s best roast and world’s best pinto beans and fried cornbread – my favorites! And her sweets! She made chocolate cake with this thick, fudge icing that was to die for! At every holiday, she probably made ten or more pies because each guest had their favorite. (Mine was this lemon gelatin pie with a graham cracker crust…delish!)

She loved my brother and I to no end! I think I mentioned before that she always had a little shed or playhouse for us. She’d buy us 5th Avenue bars and circus peanuts and we’d eat them while watching the Price is Right or Doctor Quinn, Medicine Woman. We were fortunate enough to live across the street from them for a good ten years of our life and got to spend significant time over there, especially when we were younger.

In the summer when my parents were working during the day, we spent most of the work day running in and out of her screen door and making mud pies in her backyard.

She gave the world’s best back scratches. I can still see her hands in my mind. They were old and arthritic; her knuckles swollen to twice their size a lot, with pretty filed up fingernails.

She was a worshiper! She sang and hummed all day long…washing dishes or cooking with her dish towel thrown over her shoulder, much like I find myself doing when I’m in the kitchen, too.

I always loved her Bible. It was a big, black one with rose colored page edges. She always had the inside covers filled with birthdays and anniversaries and baptisms and I loved to skim through it and read all the little notes she’d written inside.

She had the cutest little curse words, too. 🙂 I can still see her face screwed up in disgust over something on the news and can hear her saying, “Well, pudding foot!” or “God bless a mule!” Of course, there were some “bless his heart”s thrown in there every now and then.

My parents did a really good job of teaching us to honor our grandparents and to serve them when they couldn’t serve themselves. Every Saturday for a good ten years, my mom or dad would load them both up and take them to shop at Wal-Mart and then the grocery store; no small feat with two kids and two people in their 70’s/80’s.

They came to any and every function of mine and my brother’s that they were able to. They showed us so much love and so much encouragement and so much devotion. Pretty sure we did no wrong in their eyes… I loved any and every minute that I had with them and doggone it, there just weren’t enough.

My Papa died when I was a junior in high school and my Mema seemed to go downhill rather quickly after that. She bounced around from each of the siblings’ homes for a while and then had to be put in a nursing home.

I wish I’d have had more time with her. I wish I’d have listened to more stories and more history. I wish I wouldn’t have thought my life at 18, 19 and 20 was so much more important than anything else in the world. I wish I would’ve made the time to see her more, even if she had no idea who I was. I wish she were still alive and lucid so that my husband and kids could really know the wonderful woman I knew…I have no doubt that she’d think that Sawyer and Wryder hung the moon!

Wrex and I happened to be in Texas when we got word from the nursing home that she didn’t have much longer. We all went down to see her and it was such a hard, awkward thing for me. I’m one of those people that feels so things soooooo deeply that it physically hurts…and this was one of them.

I remember being half scared to move or say or anything; I just stood towards the back of the room and looked at her from afar. Oh, the guilt I carry from that…it kills me. I remember she kept moving her arm or hand under the covers and we didn’t realize what was going on and it finally hit us; she actually did recognize my brother and I…and she was waving. Once we waved back, she stopped. It was one of those beautiful God moments that I don’t feel like I took full advantage of.

I remember my dad giving her drops of water with a cotton swab and him petting her hair and talking to her so sweetly. I remember thinking that this really couldn’t be it, could it? She seemed half alert and ok, though she was so small and frail. I don’t really remember saying goodbye…a proper one at least…and then we got the call as we were driving back to Colorado that she had passed.

I am so thankful that she knew the Lord and that because of that, I will be reunited with her in heaven one day. I just have to believe the Lord will allow me redeem that time with her… Mema, forgive me for being so awkward and selfish in your final moments; it wasn’t a true reflection of my heart for you…

Oh, how I want my kids to know and understand the rich history and heritage that they come from; to know and appreciate their grandparents and great-grandparents. I want them to sacrifice their days serving them and caring for them; they are why we are. I want them to truly understand that our time here is short and the things we think are important in the moment, just might not be. I want them to be unafraid of their emotions and to understand that showing love and letting go can hurt…but that not doing so can hurt worse…

She was a good woman, that Mema. Darn these pregnancy hormones…

1630 See Saw Lane

My sweet Sawyer turns four next Tuesday. Don’t even ask me how that’s possible. We’ve been so busy this summer that August (and her birthday) completely snuck on me.

We’ve been wanting to get her a real playhouse for about year now. She has a little plastic one in the barn that she plays with all the time, but we were wanting to get one that she and brother could both play in and one that would survive outside.

Growing up, my grandparents ALWAYS had a little place for us to play outside. If there was a shed or garage on the property, my sweet Mema (Alene) never used it for herself – it was for us kids! I can’t tell you how many mudpies and dirty cups of coffee we served at her house but it was a lot. I sure wish she was around to play with my kiddos. I have no doubt that she would think they hung they moon and them feel the same about her.

We knew we could build one, but our time is kind of precious right now. By the time Wrexy gets home from work, spends some time with the kids, eats supper and helps with bedtime, that doesn’t leave a lot of build-a-miniature-house time. We’ve been keeping an eye on Craigslist, this one popped up, we liked it, drove to Denver and hauled it home!

It’s in really good shape and I love the siding and how everything’s trimmed out. All of the windows have screens, we just need to put in windows before winter. The inside was unfinished, so Wrexy hooked up our spray gun and painted it all an antique white. Then, we went to town making it homey.

The only things we bought new for this project was the rug (it’s completely vinyl/plastic so it can be washed with a water hose), some hooks to hang utensils and the flower on the door; everything else we just repurposed.

I covered these cans in cute paper and then affixed them to the wall for her to store utensils and things in.

We’ve had this old bank sorter for a while and I had originally wanted it to organize homeschool worksheets, but it just wasn’t the right size. We turned it on it’s end and made into a little shelf for dishes.

For curtains, I wanted something that wasn’t going to get absolutely filthy and have to be washed a lot. I decided to use some vinyl tablecloth fabric I had, that way we could just wipe them down if needed. We made faux cornices by wrapping a board with said fabric and voila!

And how cute are those mustached dog prints?! They’re my favorite!

Wrex mad a drop down table so that when she wasn’t serving a meal ;), she could fold it up and have a little more room on this side of the house. (It’s deceivingly small).

We wanted to put a little chandelier over the dining table. I used embroidery hoops and wire to make a form (well, actually, Wrex did) and then I hung these old marquee letters from each hoop. I think it’s adorable!

We got some little records hot with an iron and folded them up to make little pocket shelves that she could store her linens in. We hung bunting on the east and west windows because it seemed too cluttered to add another “curtain.”

All in all, I was completely pleased with how it turned out, I just keep reminding myself that 1) it’s a PLAYhouse 2) it’s outside 3) it IS gonna get dirty!

Sawyer got to see the finished product this morning and her response made my day! She loved it!It wasn’t even 8:00 and she was already cooking breakfast for visitors!I have a feeling that there will be lots of memories made at 1630 See Saw Lane…Happy birthday week, sweet girl!