I’m an opinionated, passionate, perfection-loving, anxious person and the unsanctified parts of those things tend to rear their heads through frustration and anger.
I try to be even keel – that helps when you have small children – but sometimes, it gets the best of me. After the 300th time that I have to repeat the rules that have yet to change since the beginning of rules – no banging on the table, no back talking, no pushing your sister, no jumping off of the coffee table, not getting ON the coffee table, no pulling Sayble around by her legs, no dumping out the dog food, no putting food from our plate on the floor, no sneaking snacks without asking, no screaming while Sayble naps…you get my drift – my flesh takes over and I go into angry-lecturing parent mode.
It doesn’t happen all of the time or even the majority of the time, but one time is one too many and I find myself fighting with that urge more than I’d like. The Lord gave us emotions and He gave us the ability to feel anger but He does not give us the ok to sin in our anger; when I raise my voice or roll my eyes or let an exasperated naughty word slip or lecture on and on and on hoping they get the point? That doesn’t please Him.
Anger is one of those really difficult emotions because in the moment, you feel completely justified. Whatever you feel like doing in rebuttal MUST be ok because of what the offender did or said. BUT? That’s just not the case.
Parenting is HARD. HARD, I tell you! In this stage, with three littles under the age of 6, it can be exhausting. There is so much physicality to the job right now. One day, it will switch to more of a mental exhaustion and we’ll be craving those dirty diapers and untied shoes again, won’t we?
As a mom – especially one that has the luxury to be with her babies all day, every day, weekends-mean-nothing – we are constantly pouring ourselves out to tend to their needs and mend their hearts and navigate their emotions and guide them back to the trail to kindness and righteousness. Add in the daily chores of laundry, dishes, meal prep, feedings, cleanings, prayers, school work, yard work, etc. and the weight of all of those duties can pile up and sends us teetering on the edge of a meltdown.
While I do want our home – our sacred place – to be a place of peace of righteousness, how I respond to the sins of my children will determine the tone of my household more than their choices do.
They’re not perfect. They’re gonna sin. That’s what they do! But how I handle that will either lead them TO Jesus or AWAY from Him. Another big job to add to our list, yes?
This weekend, I felt like we had all been really busy this past week and because of that, our prayers had become choppy and repetitive and insincere. We regrouped together as a family on Sunday night and we began praying things that aligned with the heart of the Lord. When we take our desires to Him – things that HE desires for us as well – He is faithful to move on our behalf.
He doesn’t want me to be angry. He doesn’t want me to sin in my anger. He doesn’t want me to speak harshly. His desire for me is to be slow to anger and abounding in love. And that has been my prayer.
Prayer is not an argument with God to persuade him to move things our way, but an exercise by which we are enabled by his Spirit to move ourselves His way.
While I desire obedience for my children, let the sanctification and obedience start with ME. I still pray they choose obedience but oh, I pray for me to be more like YOU. I want to move myself your way…
Lord, we want to be more like You, simple as that. Isn’t that the goal? That with each day and week and year, the maturing Christian would look less like the world and more like Jesus? Pressing in to get there…
Friends, today I write to you with a spirit of gratitude… I’ve been absent a bit but with good reason.
The week before Christmas, I was sitting in the kitchen talking to Wrex after he had gotten home one night and I was telling him that my neck looked fatter than normal lately. (I’ve always had a poofier neck and was diagnosed with a goiter when I was in high school. I have my thyroid tested twice a year and it’s always normal so it’s never been a huge cause for concern…other than me hating how it looks. Vain, I know.)
As I was talking to him about my neck, I reached up to touch it and I got the shock of my life; I felt a huge lump on the right side of my thyroid. Huge. Like golf ball huge. As soon as I said something, he could immediately see it, too. I called the clinic the next morning (a Friday) and they saw me that afternoon…and didn’t like what they saw.
I had a CT scan on Tuesday and Tuesday afternoon they called me with the results. I had cystic masses on both sides of my thyroid and the one on the right (the one I felt that night) had a nodule or hard tissue/tumor on it. I needed to go to an ENT and get a biopsy…and between the holidays that were approaching, it was going to be February. Not really the amount of time I wanted to wait….but wait we did…for a few days. The clinic called back and the doc had showed my scans to a retired ENT and he thought we needed to speed up the process. Good….and scary.
I got an appointment for the 15th of January in Fort Collins and in the meantime, we were waiting it out. We didn’t feel there was a reason to alarm the masses but we wanted to tell a few close friends who we KNEW would be praying for us…who would really pray…and obviously, we wanted to tell Wrex’s family. I did NOT want to tell everyone at Christmas and have all eyes on me or kill the mood or whatever but Wrex didn’t really want to call everyone individually.
We kept waiting for a good time to bring that up in conversation – it just doesn’t fit too well anywhere, ya know?! The day before we all gathered up to go home, Wrex’s dad wanted us to have some time as a family to tell each other what big things were going on in our lives that we could all be praying for each other about. Hello, open door….we shall enter.
Two days after we got home from Christmas in Nebraska, Wrex’s mom called to ask our opinion or encourage us to go to the Mayo Clinic. I could hear him talking to her and I just sat in the chair, quietly. Prior to this, my “adopted-mom” suggested the same thing. I had received it somewhat flippantly because when I think of Mayos, I think of someone on their last leg of survival and I didn’t feel like I was that far gone. After Wrex’s mom suggested it though, I told him about the prior recommendation and we both felt like it was confirmation that we should at least look into it, knowing that the odds of us getting seen (and getting seen soon) were probably slim to none.
So, I nosed around online while he was out doing chores and I found a “request an appointment” link. I filled out the forms, hit send and it notified me that someone would get back to us in 3-5 business days. That was 10:30pm. At 8:30 the next morning, my phone rang…and it was the Mayo Clinic…and they could see me on the 11th of January. We were just beside ourselves at how quick THAT whole process happened. We felt assured that this was the way the Lord was leading.
I, of course, was worried about money and did NOT want to leave my babies. We had NO idea how long we’d be gone or what they would find or what they would need to do to fix the situation… We were praying that it was benign and that we’d be home in a few short days!
We decided to take Sayble with us to ease the load of work for RaRa (Wrex’s mom) who was going to stay with the kids. We built this up as an exciting time for them to spend a few days with her while I got my neck looked at so we wanted them to truly get to play and make memories without a lot of work.
Wrex’s boss called during the week before we left reassuring Wrex that the company wasn’t going anywhere without him and to take as much time as he needed. He instructed us that we better be taking the company pickup and that he was buying the fuel. Wrex told him that he couldn’t allow him to do that and his (sweet ole) boss said he wasn’t asking, he was telling…and that was that.
We left Sunday morning at 5am and Sayble was a stinkin’ ROCKSTAR. She slept all the way to Kearney where we stopped and fed her and ourselves, was quite content all the way to Iowa where we ate lunch and then slept again the last 2 hours of the trip. She. Did. AWESOME.
Just so you know, it’s COLD in Minnesota. Colorado is not cold. Nebraska is not cold. Texas is DEFINITELY not cold. Minnesota? Is cold. When we rolled into town, it was 10 degrees below zero. Yeah.
Rochester is chocked full of hotels, mainly due to the Mayo Clinic. A lot of them are older so we weren’t sure what to totally expect. We found a Quality Inn online that had been remodeled on the inside and was more than willing to work with us regarding adding more days to our stay or cancelling some that we didn’t need. It was $75/night so that for sure appealed to Wrex. 🙂
When we opened the door to our room, we got a HUGE surprise and blessing! We had a suite! With 3 beds and a kitchenette and two TVs and two dressing areas – it was PERFECT! I had been so worried about how well Sayble would sleep not being in her own bed and with us in the room and we didn’t have to worry about that all. She slept like a rock in one room and we slept soundly in the other. He cares for our every need.
Our appointment was at 1:00pm and prior to it, my phone was going nuts with some of my favorite people encouraging me. I didn’t text anyone or remind anyone that Monday was a big day…they just remembered…and had been praying…and reached out to me in a monumental way…
Wowed…
We got there in plenty of time so as not to get lost. That place is HUGE. HUGE. We can talk about that later but really. HUGE. In it’s enormity, it’s very easy to find your way around. We walked straight to our waiting room, checked in and saw the doctor within five minutes. No, I’m not even kidding.
She assessed my reports, took me to an ultrasound room and ultrasounded my neck herself, remeasured everything, agreed we needed a biopsy and blood work. She ordered everything on the computer and sent me on my merry way!
After you leave the exam room, you check out with the nurses desk where they look at what she ordered and work to get you scheduled. We explained that we were from out of state and that while we didn’t want to wait another week, we understood that today might not work to get everything done. Not this trip. She scheduled my lab work for 15 minutes later and my biopsy for 3:00pm! Seriously, you guys…that place….
I had been working at hydrating myself the week and a half prior because blood draws and IVs don’t get along with my veins. Before my CT scan, it took 3 pokes for a blood draw and 9 for an IV. Not. Even. Kidding.
We walked down to the lab, checked in, sat down, watched them call about 15 other people in 5-10minutes times and then it was my turn. I sat down, she touched around on my arm while making small talk about my day and where I was from, gave me a small roll of gauze to squeeze, poked me with one poke, got what she needed, took the gauze from my hand, wrapped it around my arm, chatted about our kids for a minute or to and sent me on my merry way! I don’t think I was there 3 minutes. They. Are. Amazing. No wasted motions… From the little cubicle type area I was in, you could see a conveyor belt of sorts behind the panels in the wall making it’s way…somewhere…with all of those blood draws.
We ate a snack in the not remotely over-priced cafeteria. That was the other thing I was expecting…to be gouged…to be leaking like a sieve from our pocketbooks as we paid for little things (like snacks, especially with my blood sugar issues). Water? $1. Muffin? $1.49. Yogurt? $1.19. Chicken Caesar salad? $3.99. It was completely reasonable, thankfully.
At 3, I went back up for my biopsy and that crew was just as kind, professional, joyful and efficient as the rest. They used an ultrasound to find the cyst and tumor and used it guide their needles as they took sample cells to test. They also tried to aspirate, or drain, the cyst as much as possible to relieve some of the pressure it was putting on my neck and tongue. They were able to get about 3-4cc or what he considered to about half. The cyst fluid itself is a lot like Karo syrup in consistency so that was the best they could do, even with their biggest needles. The procedure didn’t really hurt at all but was a little sore later on that night.
Just a little band-aid…
We were all done by 4:00 pm and we just couldn’t help but take a deep breath and smile. We had had SUCH a good day. We had NO IDEA what the results would say but we knew we were in the right place no matter what. We celebrated with some Texas Roadhouse and the College National Championship Football game. Our follow up appointment was scheduled for 4:00pm the next day so we were just taking it easy…
We ate a leisurely breakfast the next morning and were slowly getting around when the endocrinologist from Mayo’s called asking us to come in earlier. We had NO idea what that meant but hurried up there. She saw us right away and gave us the good news that the tumor was BENIGN! Praise the LORD! We were (and are!) so thankful! All of my blood work came back normal so their recommendation was no surgery unless it began to impede swallowing, talking or breathing. If they did surgery, they would have to take out that lobe of the thyroid and since it was functioning properly, that is not something they wanted to do right now because it would just create a whole new host of symptoms and problems that we’d have to sort out.
After looking over the rest of my chart notes and complaints I brought along, she wanted me to see the neurologist for my sinus/migraines and to see the nutritionist and dietician in the endocrinology department to see if they could help with my blood sugar issues. She warned us that neurology was about 6 months out and nutrition was about 3-6 weeks out but she thought we should just order them and see what we could find. Wanna guess what happened?!
Yep. Neuro appointment that afternoon and nutrition/dietician appointments for the next day.
The neurologist was an older gentleman that has written at least seven books regarding Parkinson’s disease and was so sweet and fun to visit with. We did some visiting and he did a small exam and gave me a prescription for a drug that the Mayo Clinic themselves compounds that is his favorite when it comes to migraines. Sounds good to me!
The next day, I got to meet with the nutritionist and while getting news that my thyroid was benign was INCREDIBLE, my meeting with this lady might just save my life. After talking with her regarding my blood sugar issues, she diagnosed me with reactive hypoglycemia. I’ve struggled with low blood sugar ever since I was pregnant with Wryder three years ago and NOTHING I have done has been working.
I was told to stay away from sugar, eat lots of protein and very few carbs…which is almost the opposite of what I should be doing. I was eating a heavy protein diet and not NEAR enough complex carbohydrates and my body was just blowing through that protein as fast as it would a piece of candy.
For whatever reason (that’s the part I wish I knew!) my body breaks down food really fast after eating so I get a woosh of glucose which triggers a woosh of insulin (too much) which sends my blood glucose too low and I get symptomatic (shaky, sweaty, weak, nauseous, irritable, unable to make a decision, dizzy, anxious, etc.) and on a cellular level I’m just as much of a wreck…
For the past three years, I’ve either just constantly been chasing that roller coaster of a glucose curve trying to make the symptoms go away as quick as they came OR I’ve been completely over-eating so that I could try not to feel any of those symptoms. When I would feel symptomatic, I would grab a cheese stick or a handful of nuts or a spoonful of peanut butter – trying to stay away from carbs. WRONG!
She laid out an eating plan for me that has me eating 6 meals a day, each about 300 calories with 2-4 complex carb choices during meals 1, 3 and 5 and 1-3 complex carb choices at meals 2, 4 and 6. I’ve eaten this way for the past 6 days now and man alive……..I already feel like a completely different person.
It’s been a lot to chart and balance…I had to put it all in an Excel spreadsheet and tape it to my fridge, yall! I know it will be something I have to be diligent about despite all of the other irons I have in the fire. My wonderful husband helped me on Sunday (and we’ll do the same today) to portion out all of my proteins and naturally occurring sugars and carbs. I have a fridge full of tupperware with portioned snacks/meals ready to go because I know that life WILL happen and I’ll think I’m superwoman and that I can just go a little while longer before I eat…..and then I’ll regret it and send myself right back into that awful cycle of chasing my glucose…
I know I’m not out of the woods yet and that I have a long way to go to maintain that eating plan but I feel SO VERY HOPEFUL. Hopeful.
In readying myself for the trip to Minnesota, I did some talking to my brain and prepared myself to see some people who were a lot worse off than I was…and while we saw a few, we mainly just saw HOPE.
During my last appointment, Wrex and Sayble were walking all the halls and underground tunnels and when I called to tell him I was done, he told me to meet him at the little museum on the subway level. I’m seriously fascinated with the place so I thought that was a great idea. Here’s what you see right when you walk in….
HOPE
The Lord heard our cries and He answered us, friends. I will never forget this trip or this experience and the ways He has been so faithful to us over and over and over and over again.
I know this was a really long post and I know I probably left out a million details and examples of His faithfulness… I didn’t know if I really wanted to share ALL of this with the world but I just felt so passionately hopeful and grateful that I just couldn’t help but do so…
More later on the Mayo Clinic in general but for now, it’s snack time!
I think you may have picked up on it yesterday, but I have carried soooooooo much guilt in my heart for the past 10 years about her passing.
I think most of the guilt stems from that last time I saw her, the day she passed, as I mentioned in the blog. It was just so hard for me. I absolutely stink at awkward situations because they affect me (and hurt me) so much…which I’m slowly learning just isn’t an excuse.
Everything I blogged about was all I remembered… I remember that my parents and my brother were there and my dad’s brother, but that’s all I remembered. I remember we drove all the way back to Colorado that night, but I don’t remember a ton else. I didn’t remember really telling her goodbye or going near her and it has hurt all these years. How could I not?? How could I not just wrap her up in a huge hug and make sure she knew that I loved the stuffing out of her?
Last night, I cried for almost four hours off and on! I was just telling the Lord that I KNOW guilt isn’t from Him – I know that – I just couldn’t pin point why I was feeling it so heavily. I asked Him to help me to assuage that guilt…to receive the grace I have no doubt that my Mema would’ve given. I just wanted to make sure she knew I loved her…
Some of my cousins replied and shared good memories and it was so sweet to see how much they loved her, too. Truly a testament of her love for us.
I woke up this morning and I had a message in my inbox and when I saw the little red 1, I assumed it was from a cousin like before………but it wasn’t. It was my brother.
And? He was used as an answer to my prayer.
He said this:
Hey fyi you weren’t selfish in mema’s final moments…. I can remember that day very clearly and while you were standoffish at first, Wanda started talking to her and you and you sat on the bed with her for a few min…. It was a hard day but she knows you loved her very much and that it was hard for you to see her that way…. Love you stef
OH. MY. GOODNESS. He remembered what I couldn’t! I had totally forgotten that Wanda (who was a special, older cousin to us. I distinctly remember being little, little, little and EVERY time we saw her, she sang “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine” to me. Still can’t hardly listen to that song without crying) was there! After he said that, I COMPLETELY remembered! And I do remember sitting on her bed next to her tiny body and petting her hand.
I don’t know what I said, if anything, but I’m so glad to know that I didn’t just stand against the back wall and just be present…
My goodness.
I’m just in such awe this morning. Thank you, Lord, for answering my prayer…for healing my heart…and for a brother who took time out of his day to make sure I knew that.
While I’ve had a few more tears this morning and find myself fighting the enemy, I do feel so much freer. It still feels raw and there’s lots of emotion, but it feels different. It’s like I can smile through the tears…
He is so good, friends. He wants us whole…and free…and healed. This little story is living proof of that.
Praying this over my home this morning. We need wisdom. I need wisdom. Parenting two is the hardest job I’ve ever had (the best, yes…the hardest, too) – especially two that are as different as night and day…in the little things and the big things. I’m sure part of it is just the difference between boys and girls, but still.
He never stops moving…like, ever. He even wakes up in the middle of his naps and says some unintelligible things, jumps up and down for in his crib for five minutes and then goes back to sleep. What in the world? If our house were bigger, I’d be afraid I’d lose track of him. He’s always into something…the toilet, the trash, the dishwasher, the refrigerator, the pantry, the stairs. Did you know we never even owned a gate for those things until him? We moved here when Sawyer was his age and she acted like they didn’t exist! She never even tried to climb them…seriously…ever. His favorite things these days are to dive head first into the mudroom, climb the little stair and then slide down again…or toss something and chase it and toss it and chase it. These things are somewhat manageable – and some are quite cute.
I just feel like I’m constantly on my toes – and that’s ok, I suppose – it’s just not what I’m used to. Sawyer loved to read and learn and sing and explore and color. Wryder? Well, I hope he learns his animal noises and his alphabet by age 10. Ahem.
Even from a young age, Sawyer received correction so incredibly well. You could tell her no or remove something from her possession and tell her why you were taking it and she’d just move on. Wryder? Not so much. You can do those things to him and he immediately does them again or throws a fit.
I don’t say these things to bash on him. I know that he is fearfully and wonderfully made and I love him just as I love her…not based upon his actions but because he is mine. I just can’t get over how different they are.
Someone told us that you feel like you have it all figured out after your first one and then the second one comes along and you feel like a first time parent again, fumbling your way through life. I’m there.
I’m so pleased with the Lord’s favor on our raising of Sawyer and I’m begging for it with Wryder. I NEED HIS HELP. I don’t want to grow weary or frustrated or just flat give up…I want to do this well…for Wryder’s sake. I know I’m going to have to parent them differently, I’m just not totally sure what that looks like right now. All I know is that he and his heart are worth my time and effort and redundancy to be taught and guided and shaped. Lord, help me…
1 These are the proverbs of Solomon, David’s son, king of Israel.
2 Their purpose is to teach people wisdom and discipline,
to help them understand the insights of the wise. 3 Their purpose is to teach people to live disciplined and successful lives,
to help them do what is right, just, and fair. 4 These proverbs will give insight to the simple,
knowledge and discernment to the young.
5 Let the wise listen to these proverbs and become even wiser.
Let those with understanding receive guidance 6 by exploring the meaning in these proverbs and parables,
the words of the wise and their riddles.
7 Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true knowledge,
but fools despise wisdom and discipline.
A Father’s Exhortation: Acquire Wisdom
8 My child,[a] listen when your father corrects you.
Don’t neglect your mother’s instruction. 9 What you learn from them will crown you with grace
and be a chain of honor around your neck.
10 My child, if sinners entice you,
turn your back on them! 11 They may say, “Come and join us.
Let’s hide and kill someone!
Just for fun, let’s ambush the innocent! 12 Let’s swallow them alive, like the grave[b];
let’s swallow them whole, like those who go down to the pit of death. 13 Think of the great things we’ll get!
We’ll fill our houses with all the stuff we take. 14 Come, throw in your lot with us;
we’ll all share the loot.”
15 My child, don’t go along with them!
Stay far away from their paths. 16 They rush to commit evil deeds.
They hurry to commit murder. 17 If a bird sees a trap being set,
it knows to stay away. 18 But these people set an ambush for themselves;
they are trying to get themselves killed. 19 Such is the fate of all who are greedy for money;
it robs them of life.
Wisdom Shouts in the Streets
20 Wisdom shouts in the streets.
She cries out in the public square. 21 She calls to the crowds along the main street,
to those gathered in front of the city gate: 22 “How long, you simpletons,
will you insist on being simpleminded?
How long will you mockers relish your mocking?
How long will you fools hate knowledge? 23 Come and listen to my counsel.
I’ll share my heart with you
and make you wise.
24 “I called you so often, but you wouldn’t come.
I reached out to you, but you paid no attention. 25 You ignored my advice
and rejected the correction I offered. 26 So I will laugh when you are in trouble!
I will mock you when disaster overtakes you— 27 when calamity overtakes you like a storm,
when disaster engulfs you like a cyclone,
and anguish and distress overwhelm you.
28 “When they cry for help, I will not answer.
Though they anxiously search for me, they will not find me. 29 For they hated knowledge
and chose not to fear the Lord. 30 They rejected my advice
and paid no attention when I corrected them. 31 Therefore, they must eat the bitter fruit of living their own way,
choking on their own schemes. 32 For simpletons turn away from me—to death.
Fools are destroyed by their own complacency. 33 But all who listen to me will live in peace,
untroubled by fear of harm.”
Sawyer has always had a pretty intimate prayer life, especially given her age. She is always quick to pray if she knows someone is sick or needs help or if she’s feeling really grateful. As a parent, it’s been an incredibly cool thing to watch and foster.
This past week, she’s gotten to witness the Lord answer two prayers – how cool is that?!
The first was a biggie…a friend of ours from church was on a missions trip in Africa and had a pretty major health complication while he was there. The church sent out an email and our family prayed loyally for him, Sawyer included. He had a small procedure when he was there, came home early and has had follow up appointments with specialists in the area. His wife reported yesterday that yet another doctor was stumped as to why he didn’t diewhile he was gone. We all know why…because he had a multitude of people storming the gates of heaven for his health…and the Lord heard and acted.
On an incredibly (no really, a waaaaaaaaay smaller, less significant note) we’ve had a missing person around our house. Sawyer got a dollhouse for Christmas and it came with two infants, which she named “Girl Baby” and “Boy Baby.”
Boy Baby
Last week, Wryder had “Daddy” in one hand and “Boy Baby” in the other and was scooting all over the house…and then…Boy Baby went missing! Sawyer had been quite distraught as we had looked for him EVERYWHERE; trashcan(s), diaper genie, wipes container, toy box, under the TV stand, under the chair, in the couch cushions, in the laundry – seriously, EVERYWHERE, with no luck.
Today, after searching some more, she declared that Boy Baby must be in heaven with Jesus and that we should pray for him. Wrex told her that the Lord knew where he was and that we would pray indeed. So we offered up a prayer of protection over Boy Baby and we asked the Lord to help us find him. (Why didn’t we do this sooner?!)
I was laying on the floor playing with Wryder during this whole scene and, I kid you not, about 20 seconds later, I rolled over and looked under the TV stand, as I really felt like that’s the only place he could be (even though we’d already looked) and guess who I saw? BOY BABY!
A lot of hollering and jumping and praising of the Lord commenced from all of us! Not because Boy Baby was just that precious or important, but the lesson learned was. He cares…even about the small things…and He will come to our aid when we petition Him.
These two things have resonated with her greatly and I know they have increased her faith, just as they have mine. Talk to Him today, friend. He IS Jehovah Shama…the God who hears.
We woke up to a beautiful, snowy masterpiece this morning. Everything is covered in a thick, soft blanket of white, as if all tucked in comfy cozy. I love that snow makes everything look clean and crisp and pristine. It has the ability to brighten even the most rundown/filthy/decrepit of places and makes you forget their original state, as it covers the dirt and grime with its cleansing grace.
Since the roads were supposed to be a little nasty up this way, Wrex left after his evening sale last night to head to his Friday sale in Wyoming. We watched the radar and it looked like he could beat the snow and be safe and sound in town and not have to rush in the morning, so I sent him off at 10:00 last night – not my favorite thing on so many levels – but it was the wise choice.
A dear, dear friend of mine called to pray over me since I’m not the biggest of fan of being out here in the sticks without my protector/snuggle bunny here with me at night. As she was praying, she acknowledged the Lord as the “One in control of the storehouses of snow” and that just brought such immediate peace to me. I got such a vivid image of these big, long, white sheds with little fasteners on them and then Him excitedly opening them as beautiful, fluffy flakes fall out as blessings. Little, crystalline drops of His love and His mercy and His grace and His goodness falling straight from the sky.
In those moments, I forgot my fears and worries; His sovereignty and favor covered them, much like the snow outside covered the ground. My thoughts shifted to the Giver (Him) of these gifts (snow, hubby and kids) instead of my feeble attempt at controlling their well being. Just as He controls the falling of each flake and dispenses it upon the earth, He dispenses all I need…and in that moment, it was peace…and peace He brought.
I am so thankful that He brings gentle conviction so that I can open my hands and give Him back the things He has so graciously bestowed upon me. I am so thankful for sweet friends who are filled with the Holy Spirit, who are unafraid to pray and who bless me by doing so. I am most thankful that He has chosen to cover my rundown, filthy, decrepit, ramshackle, haggard attempts at righteousness with His perfection and holiness so that I can appear spotless before the Father…as white as snow, in fact.
Today, I find myself going back to the storehouse, back into His presence, back to the foot of the cross for more of His provision. Fridays usually find me tired and a little weary and in need of more of what He has to pour out, so I can pour it out, too. Lucky for me, the shelves are never empty.
I do hope you take the time to revel in His splendor today…
and take freely from the storehouse…there’s good stuff there.
