parenting – Page 5 – The Bless Your Heart Blog

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Do you ever wish you could un-see things?

We ventured out to the park today because it was so splendidly nice out. I think I’ve written about it before but when I hole up in my little house on the prairie, it’s easy to lose perspective on the rest of the world. I get so used to our daily grind and how we choose to do things…then my naivety kicks in and I start thinking that every family is like our family. Oh, how I wish that were true. Not because I think we have it all figured out – by no means is that the case – but I do know that our children are loved and safe and cared for and fed and nourished and disciplined in love; they are not abused or scared or hungry or alone… It’s not that way for every kid, or even most kids, although it should be.

As a lover of justice (and humanity, for that matter), it’s hard for me to see someone treated poorly, especially a child. While we were playing, a little girl got in trouble for something by someone who didn’t talk to her not one time until it was time to go and they were displeased with something. Obviously, I don’t know all of the details, but I know what I saw and what I saw was ugly. I’m not saying she was physically abused in front me…had that been the case, I would have had no reservations in stepping in and/or calling the police…but she was treated extremely poorly…especially for a child. She was screamed at and handled roughly and shamed. It just makes you wonder what she goes through at home if her caretaker was unafraid to put on this show in public.

I know we all have bad days and bad parenting moments when we don’t always act the way the Lord asks of us (me included). Sadly, I don’t think this was an isolated incident. I was told by a friend, “She’s the kind of girl that will be really happy to get to go to school all day.”

Oh my soul. As a deep feeler, these kinds of things pain me; physically hurt me. My heart feels so shredded and I feel so helpless.

I spent my drive home just pleading to the Lord on behalf of this little girl and for those who care for her. I was begging Him for justice and safety and love for her – is that too much to ask?!

I’m not naive enough to think that what I saw is the worst any child has ever been treated; I know that’s not the case and the fact that that’s not the case intensifies the pain of the situation. We need Jesus. Our world needs Jesus. Our kids need Jesus. We all need Jesus.

Stuff like this makes me just want to hole up in our little house, do what we do and stay away from the crazies and the injustices of the world…but I’m certain that doesn’t solve anything. I don’t know what the point of experiencing that today was but my soul is stirred. I want to be part of the solution, the revolution, that changes the familial unit for Christ. A Bible teacher once preached a mantra that said, “What we struggle with and do not sanctify in ourselves will become a monster in our children.”

Struggle with anger and don’t work to change it? It will be amplified in your children.

Struggle with pride and don’t work to change it? It will be amplified in your children.

Struggle with self-worth and don’t work to change it? It will be amplified in your children.

Struggle with __________ and don’t work to change it? It will become a monster in your children.

As parents, we have got to wake up to the responsibilities bestowed upon us! Whether our children were “planned” by us or not matters not; they are now in our care and it is our duty and obligation to do right by them.

I’m so tired of seeing people/parents thinking they can birth a child and do nothing to actually raise it/teach it/love it/guide it/esteem it…

I’m so tired of seeing people/parents do “what their parents did” because that’s all they know… (Look at this generation…that’s not working (for the most part)!

I’m so tired of people/parents thinking that what they do and what they say has no bearing on the kinds of adults their children will be…

I’m so tired of people/parents putting their jobs, addictions, bank accounts, friends, social lives, etc. in front of their job as a spouse and parent…

I’m so tired of satan killing, stealing and destroying people and parents.

My heart is slivered tonight; I wish I could un-see and un-hear the events of the day…but I can’t…

I can, however, propose a call to action. Step up, parents. You have an enormous, important, future-changing job on your hands – your children. They are worth your time and your effort and your sacrifice. You are raising little adults who will one day be leading their generation. What you say and do today will effect them forever, believe it or not. Treat them with respect and dignity and grace and mercy and love – it covers a multitude of sins, you know. Teach them. Train them. Guide them along. Be slow to anger and abounding in love. Don’t harm them or shame them or abuse them or neglect them or break their spirits. Don’t just revert to what you know or experienced when growing up; refer to the Word of God and make that your standard. Put aside all of the injustices done to you and make life for your kids different. Link arms with other parents and help each other by vowing to do this life together and do this life well. We get one shot with these little guys. I’m not saying that the Lord can’t redeem our shortcomings (goodness knows He does it for me on a daily basis) but we owe it to Him and to them to give them our best; not our leftovers, not our ignorances, not our generational failures…our best.

Pray for children across the city and state and nation and world tonight who aren’t on the receiving end of someone’s best…and especially pray for those getting the worst.

Pray for me…that as much I want to un-see what I saw, that it will continue to spur me to keep seeking the Lord in what He has for me here…because it’s too important to do otherwise.

Easter Advent: Thursday

***Find previous Easter Advent entries here, here, here and here.***

As Jesus was praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, He was full of sorrow. He knew the excruciating pain he was about to suffer as we would take the punishment for every wrong thing anybody had ever done (or would ever do). He knew the weight of what His shoulders would hold and of the heartache that stemmed from all of the sin, brokenness and pain in people’s hearts.

With death awaiting Him, He could’ve prayed a thousand different things – most, probably selfish in nature. Wouldn’t you? If you knew death was knocking on your door, wouldn’t you be pleading or screaming or flat out running away? In that moment though, Jesus prayed with a heart full of trust and submission…“Not my will, but Yours be done.”

Wow. So often we pray differently, don’t we? Our sinful nature likes to pray things that we deem ‘best’ for us, not necessarily what the Lord has for us. His way is always best and we should trust that truth, just as Jesus did.

Garden Prayer

Read: Mark 14:32-42 Luke 22:39-53

Do: Memorize scripture.

—Not my will, but yours be done. Luke 22:42

—Sing it, eat a piece of candy for each word, create a hand motion for a set of words – whatever it takes, memorize it!

Pray: Lord, thank you that we can pray to you about everything. Help us to pray for Your will to be done in every situation.

Easter Advent: Wednesday

We’re on day four of our Easter Advent series and I hope you and your family have been blessed by this experience. Parts 1, 2 and 3 are still up so feel free to go back and do them or just pick up here!

A Time to Remember

The Last Supper was a beautiful symbol of what was to come in the life and death of Jesus. He knew His death was imminent and even though His disciples didn’t quite understand, He wanted to make sure they would always remember Him and His sacrifice.

While they were eating the Passover meal, Jesus took bread and blessed it. He broke it and gave it to the disciples saying, “Take it and eat, for this is my body.” Then he took the cup and gave thanks. He gave it to them and said, “Drink from it, for this is my blood poured out to forgive the sins of many.”

This same act is a wonderful reminder to each of us of Christ’s sacrifice and love…

Read: Matthew 26:17-30 Mark 14:12-26

Do: Have a time of remembrance.

— Break bread and drink juice together and talk about how Jesus’ body was broken and His blood poured out for us.

—Really take time to remember how Jesus has saved us eternally and how He’s saving us daily from our sinful selves.

Pray: Lord, thank you for loving me enough to die for me. Help me to always remember Your body that broke and Your blood that was poured out.

I Gotta Have It

Praying this over my home this morning. We need wisdom. I need wisdom. Parenting two is the hardest job I’ve ever had (the best, yes…the hardest, too) – especially two that are as different as night and day…in the little things and the big things. I’m sure part of it is just the difference between boys and girls, but still.

He never stops moving…like, ever. He even wakes up in the middle of his naps and says some unintelligible things, jumps up and down for in his crib for five minutes and then goes back to sleep. What in the world? If our house were bigger, I’d be afraid I’d lose track of him. He’s always into something…the toilet, the trash, the dishwasher, the refrigerator, the pantry, the stairs. Did you know we never even owned a gate for those things until him? We moved here when Sawyer was his age and she acted like they didn’t exist! She never even tried to climb them…seriously…ever. His favorite things these days are to dive head first into the mudroom, climb the little stair and then slide down again…or toss something and chase it and toss it and chase it. These things are somewhat manageable – and some are quite cute.

I just feel like I’m constantly on my toes – and that’s ok, I suppose – it’s just not what I’m used to. Sawyer loved to read and learn and sing and explore and color. Wryder? Well, I hope he learns his animal noises and his alphabet by age 10. Ahem.

Even from a young age, Sawyer received correction so incredibly well. You could tell her no or remove something from her possession and tell her why you were taking it and she’d just move on. Wryder? Not so much. You can do those things to him and he immediately does them again or throws a fit.

I don’t say these things to bash on him. I know that he is fearfully and wonderfully made and I love him just as I love her…not based upon his actions but because he is mine. I just can’t get over how different they are.

Someone told us that you feel like you have it all figured out after your first one and then the second one comes along and you feel like a first time parent again, fumbling your way through life. I’m there.

I’m so pleased with the Lord’s favor on our raising of Sawyer and I’m begging for it with Wryder. I NEED HIS HELP. I don’t want to grow weary or frustrated or just flat give up…I want to do this well…for Wryder’s sake. I know I’m going to have to parent them differently, I’m just not totally sure what that looks like right now. All I know is that he and his heart are worth my time and effort and redundancy to be taught and guided and shaped. Lord, help me…

1 These are the proverbs of Solomon, David’s son, king of Israel.

²Their purpose is to teach people wisdom and discipline,
to help them understand the insights of the wise.
³Their purpose is to teach people to live disciplined and successful lives,
to help them do what is right, just, and fair.
⁴These proverbs will give insight to the simple,
knowledge and discernment to the young.

⁵Let the wise listen to these proverbs and become even wiser.
Let those with understanding receive guidance
⁶by exploring the meaning in these proverbs and parables,
the words of the wise and their riddles.

⁷Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true knowledge,
but fools despise wisdom and discipline.

A Father’s Exhortation: Acquire Wisdom

⁸My child,^[a] listen when your father corrects you.
Don’t neglect your mother’s instruction.
⁹What you learn from them will crown you with grace
and be a chain of honor around your neck.

¹⁰My child, if sinners entice you,
turn your back on them!
¹¹They may say, “Come and join us.
Let’s hide and kill someone!
Just for fun, let’s ambush the innocent!
¹²Let’s swallow them alive, like the grave^[b];
let’s swallow them whole, like those who go down to the pit of death.
¹³Think of the great things we’ll get!
We’ll fill our houses with all the stuff we take.
¹⁴Come, throw in your lot with us;
we’ll all share the loot.”

¹⁵My child, don’t go along with them!
Stay far away from their paths.
¹⁶They rush to commit evil deeds.
They hurry to commit murder.
¹⁷If a bird sees a trap being set,
it knows to stay away.
¹⁸But these people set an ambush for themselves;
they are trying to get themselves killed.
¹⁹Such is the fate of all who are greedy for money;
it robs them of life.

Wisdom Shouts in the Streets

²⁰Wisdom shouts in the streets.
She cries out in the public square.
²¹She calls to the crowds along the main street,
to those gathered in front of the city gate:
²²“How long, you simpletons,
will you insist on being simpleminded?
How long will you mockers relish your mocking?
How long will you fools hate knowledge?
²³Come and listen to my counsel.
I’ll share my heart with you
and make you wise.

²⁴“I called you so often, but you wouldn’t come.
I reached out to you, but you paid no attention.
²⁵You ignored my advice
and rejected the correction I offered.
²⁶So I will laugh when you are in trouble!
I will mock you when disaster overtakes you—
²⁷when calamity overtakes you like a storm,
when disaster engulfs you like a cyclone,
and anguish and distress overwhelm you.

²⁸“When they cry for help, I will not answer.
Though they anxiously search for me, they will not find me.
²⁹For they hated knowledge
and chose not to fear the Lord.
³⁰They rejected my advice
and paid no attention when I corrected them.
³¹Therefore, they must eat the bitter fruit of living their own way,
choking on their own schemes.
³²For simpletons turn away from me—to death.
Fools are destroyed by their own complacency.
³³But all who listen to me will live in peace,
untroubled by fear of harm.”

Cuts and Crawls

Today was a BIG day for a sweet little girl…Sawyer got her first haircut! In her three and a half years of life, she hasn’t needed one, mainly thanks to her pretty curls.

At around 18 months... — At around 18 months…

and around 2 years... — and around 2 years…

Now that she’s gotten even more hair, her locks needed a little cleaning up…and after Wryder got his first haircut two years before she did, I think she thought it was her turn. 😉

She’s been begging me to call “the haircut lady” so today, since we were in town, we did just that. I got trimmed up and so did the little lady…who loved EVERY minute of it!

Just getting started... — Just getting started…

Checkin' herself out! — Checkin’ herself out!

She did such a good job of following directions and sitting really still. Miss Kris straightened up her ends, chopped some straggles and added a few layers towards the bottom. She looks just as cute as ever!

And a silly one because she insisted... — And a silly one because she insisted…

One of my favorite, favorite, favorite things to do is to get my hair cut and styled and I’m thinking someone else liked it just as much.

On another note, this little guy finally learned to crawl on all fours! He’s army crawled like a mad man for a while now and something finally clicked this week and he’s officially? crawling now – ha! Forgive the poor picture quality – he’s on the move, people!

Everybody’s growing up around here…

It’s Great to Skate

Our church hosted a kids potluck and skating day on Sunday and it was too much fun! We gathered after Sunday school and munched on everything from corn dogs and sloppy joes to Marshmallow Mateys and tater tot casserole. After that, it was off to the rink!

Sawyer was sooooooooooooooooooo incredibly excited to skate! I think she barely slept Saturday night in anticipation of having cereal for lunch and then strapping on a pair of skates. She wouldn’t even go to the nursery during church because she was afraid she’d miss the action – ha!

I wasn’t quite sure what she’d think if she didn’t catch on right away so as we were driving to the rink, I explained to her that she might fall down a few times. I told her not to be scared or give up and to just get right back up and try again, to which she agreed.

Well, there wasn’t much need for that little speech – she did AMAZING!

I have about as much grace as a drunk, blind alley cat trying to maneuver fence with a barking dog in tow but thankfully daddy is quite impressive on skates! He later traded these quads in for roller blades and really went to town!

They even did the limbo! (And no, I had NO CLUE Wrex could get that low!)

The older kids were so incredibly kind and cautious regarding all of the little tykes. Sawyer’s good friend Meredith took her for quite a spins – which she loved! Sidenote: Meredith, if I was your size I’d steal all of your clothes! Better watch your closet… 😉

She also skated with her friend Lauren (sans daddy) for the last 30 minutes or so which was fun to watch. She was completely confident out there!

Aren’t they sweet?? They made lots of laps and had a ball dancing in the disco lights!

Wryder didn’t do any skating but he was awfully encouraging to those who did by screaming and waving on the sidelines. He got lots of snuggles and playtime in, so he was a happy camper!

It was an incredibly fun day and we are so blessed to have such a wonderful church family! We left the skating rink feeling so loved and content…and at home. There are so many young families and so many mentors for those young families – we’re a blessed body of believers. Let’s do it again, soon!

The Lucky One

Happy St. Patty’s Day from two of the cutest little leprechauns I know!

I feel so “lucky” to be their momma. During our naptime prayers, I thanked the Lord for the desire that He placed in my heart to stay at home full-time with my kiddos…and I thanked Him for allowing me to be a momma. Even on the hardest of days (and today has NOT been easy), I wouldn’t trade this “job” for anything else on the planet.

I’m the lucky one…even though I’m not wearing green.

How in the World Did We Get Here: Part 1

Our little, ole farm house is all tucked snuggly under a blanket of snow this morning as fresh flakes are starting to fall again. Let it be known that I don’t mind that one bit. In my book, if it’s gonna be cold it might as well snow.

Not a creature was stirring... — Not a creature was stirring…

We’ve lived here two and a half years although it doesn’t feel near that long. Earlier this morning, I was reflecting on how exactly we got here. It was all Him, friends.

Wrex worked for a family company in Denver that had their fingers (successfully) in quite a few niches; ear tags, farming, purebred cattle, show goats, horses. He had an active role in each of those endeavors and thus worked A LOT. The situation wasn’t ideal and became less so after Sawyer was born. A lot of mornings, Wrexy left before she was awake and came home after she was in bed and that was definitely not how we wanted to raise our family. It would’ve been different if it was our land or our cattle or our company and we were investing this time and energy into something for our future generations, but that wasn’t the case.

So after lots of intense prayer and discussion, we knew that the Lord was calling us away from there. On his 29th birthday, he gave his one month notice and we stepped out in faith…no job lined up, no place to live (as we were living in company supplied housing), no idea where to go…we just knew that working there was no longer obedience, but that stepping away was.

We spent our evenings together praying and job hunting and packing. Our house was nothing fancy but we had made a lot of special memories there. It was the place we celebrated our first five anniversaries…the place we brought our first baby home to…the place where we hosted friends who became our roommates for a season…the place where we threw card parties and goat dehorning work days and family get togethers. Even though we knew that our leaving was the right thing to do and that it was what the Lord was asking of us, it still stung a little. Obedience isn’t always easy…

W spent his days tying up as many loose ends as possible. By the end of the month, the contents of our home were moved into a storage container and we? We were jobless and homeless…but not hopeless.

The job part never really concerned me for several reasons. One, I knew that we were walking in obedience so I had no doubt that the Lord had something lined up for us; He wouldn’t call us away and then hang us out to dry. Two, Wrexy has more skills in more different areas than any person I’ve ever met. I often tell him that he’s handicapped me as a do-er. If something breaks or isn’t quite right or needs a little finesse, I don’t even try anymore – I just wait for him to get home because he’ll fix it in a jiffy and in a way better manner than I ever could. Plus, he’s the most loyal, hardest working, social genius on the planet. And three, I knew that if he had to, he would work two jobs slopping hogs or serving french fries before we ever went hungry. Before we ever left, he was offered two different jobs, but neither of them had the stamp of the Lord and as hard as it was to say ‘no’ to them, knowing that if we said yes we could stay in the same area, ‘no’ was what we said.

During that first week of our new found homelessness, some of our favorite friends were on vacation and they allowed us to stay in their home. This was such a huge blessing to us as we finished taking care of last minute business things and fully getting a plan in place for what was next.

We spent a lot of time in the quiet together that week. It’s a weird feeling, especially for a type A planner to not have a plan…but to know that THE plan was to be obedient to the Lord. There is blessing in obedience – I’ve experienced that richly! I’ve also experienced the consequences of disobedience and I didn’t want to venture there again.

We prayed continually that the Lord would make our schedule for us and that He would provide us with the job that Wrex needed to say ‘yes’ to…wherever that may be. We knew that He knew our hearts in wanting more family time and He knew our hearts in wanting Wrex to have a job that was rooted in agriculture; a job that wouldn’t find him stuck behind a desk and a job that he enjoyed. This whole process had happened so fast and was so outside of ourselves that we had no other option but to have hope; confident expectancy in the goodness of God.

As the week was coming to a close, we made plans to visit my family in several parts of Texas and then Wrex’s sister and grandma in Oklahoma and Kansas before heading back to Colorado to finish out a ministry event we were a part of. We had cleaned up behind ourselves and packed what we needed for a few weeks on the road with a 10 month old, when Wrex got a call that we needed to stop at the tip-top of Texas before we ventured further south; a meat packing plant wanted to meet him and see if he was a fit for their company. Maybe, just maybe, this was it?

What Can I Say But Words

Sawyer has quite the extensive vocabulary for a three year old. I’d say she comes by it honestly…her momma loves words and her daddy never stops talking, so there ya go!

We were talking about some of the funny word variations she’s been using lately, like favilous (fabulous) or dangerful (dangerous), and it made us think of the some of the amusing names she’s had for other things in the past.

Ever since she was a tiny tyke, a blanket has been referred to as a beat and a remote has been a motor. Lick chips are Doritos (because she used to like to just lick the cheesey stuff off before eating the rest) and a guh-jraffe is a giraffe, just pronounced with a hard g. She loves when she gets to use bandits (band aids) and mecimum (medicine). Green beans are bean beans, bacon is known as cracker and for a while, bananas were nummies. She calls ear phones helmets, diapers are sometimes di-dees and the chill museum is also known as the children’s museum. She loves to put her guns up and yell rack attack instead of Wreck ’em Tech, but hey, it’s close enough for me.

All of these cute little mispronunciations and nicknames brings our lives so much joy, just like her! I love that I can have such serious conversations with her and that I can have super silly ones, too. She’s one of my most beloved friends; one of my favorite people on the planet.

She’s just plain favilous!

Knocking it Out of the Park

I cleaned out my desk this morning and I made it out alive!! Phew. It had gotten a little out of control and I’m proud to report that my laptop can fit on it’s surface again. Ahem.

In that process, I was organizing some preschool stuff and some Bible study materials and I forgot that I had gotten out two old journals the other day, searching for some notes on a study we’d done a few years back. I was browsing through them…which can be quite humbling, mind you. It’s a little gut wrenching when you’re still struggling with some of the same thing you were struggling with in 2011. Keep pressing in, Lord.

One of those journals was Wrexy’s and I was browsing through it and I came across a list he made in May of 2011 titled “Top 15 Goals for My Marriage/Family.” I was gonna just skip right over it but I felt the Lord asking me to dwell there for a minute, so I read through them.

Create a loving, God-fearing environment.
To be someone Stef trusts and relies on.
To be an example to others of Christian marriage.
To be an involved dad, teaching my kids to do things/gain skills.
To be a good provider.
To teach my kids to hear from the Lord and leave a legacy of the fear of the Lord.
To be a dad/husband that my family will be proud of.
To instil self-worth and the truth about who they are in my kids; build each other up.
To grow together as a family through acts of service/giving.
To be an example of a loyal, honest, hard-working man.
To grow closer to Stef with each day and year through oneness with Christ.
To help nurture Stef’s gifts.
To remain best friends with Stef.
To communicate well with Stef, not just say what I think she wants to hear.
To not grow complacent in my role as the spiritual leader of my home.

Be. Still. My. Heart. I was absolutely speechless and so incredibly humbled reading this list. Talk about selfless and God-centered; he gets it and we are blessed because of it.

Let me just say, you are doing a darn fine job, handsome. I am so proud to be your wife. You are the glue that holds this ship together and keeps us afloat and you are knocking it out of the park in the husband/dad department!

Thank you for showing us on a daily basis how Christ loved the church.

Thank you for wanting the best for us.

Thank you for dying to yourself over and over again.

Thank you for leading us and guiding us and providing for us.

Thank you for being the most gracious, forgiving, patient, honest, loyal, generous, gentle, determined, enthusiastic, unflappable, God-fearing man I’ve ever known.

****Note to readers, W and I are that couple that shares everything (as I believe all married couples should) – passwords, prayers, bank accounts, spit. 😉 He was not at all concerned that I read his journal or that I shared it here. His main concern was that women would be stumbling in covetousness. Ahem. Notice I didn’t list ‘humble’ in my description of him. 🙂 ****