So, we’ve talked about practical ways to connect your child to Christ; we’ve talked about proper discipline – now it’s time to talk about the ails of punishment. Punishment is the opposite of discipline. It tries to make a child ‘pay’ for what they have done wrong; it’s an eye for an eye type of “discipline”; it’s retaliation or revenge for what they’ve done wrong.
Punishment, which is focused on the past instead of future obedience, produces very negative characteristics in your children: guilt, shame, bitterness, resentment, regret, self-pity, fear, and more – none of which are from the Lord.
Punishment doesn’t give them a means to right their wrongs and it makes no mention of redemption. It is simply retribution that leads to a lot of negative emotions.
When we yell or raise our voice or lose our temper…when we tower over them…when we don’t even explain to them what they’ve done wrong…when we reactively swat or hit or thump or spank immediately after the offense…when we push them because they pushed their sibling…when we come at them in a rush of emotion…when we continue to be short with them/mad at them the rest of the day….that’s not discipline. That’s a bullying, frustrated parent who’s upset that you ticked them off/cost them time/broke the rules/hindered them in some way and now “they’re gonna get it.” Heartbreaking when you lump it all together like that isn’t it?
Discipline is the way of the Lord.
Discipline is future-focused, always pointing toward future acts. How can we help you not to do this poor choice again? It has nothing to do with retribution or paybacks and everything to do with redemption.
The purpose of discipline is to train for correction and maturity. The purpose of punishment is to inflict a penalty for an offense.
The origin of discipline is a high motivation for the welfare of the child. The origin of punishment is the frustration of the parent.
The result of discipline is security. The result of punishment results in fear and shame.
So often, we get this wrong and we HAVE to get this right. We have to. For the sake of our children and their children, we have to. These are our babies. Our rewards. Our blessings.
Those who know, say that as parents, we often revert to what we know. If our parents disciplined out of anger, then in the heat of the moment when we feel like we’ve lost control or we’re in a hurry or we’re frustrated, we’re gonna discipline out of anger. I’ve seen this in my own life, unfortunately. Even though I strive to discipline well and discipline God’s way, there are times when gruffness and impatience and a hot temper come crashing through and I HATE that. That’s not the kind of legacy I want to leave with my children…
Maybe you’re sitting here thinking, whoa…sometimes or most of the time or on occasion, I’m a punisher, not a discipliner …but disciplining seems like so much work and it seems so overwhelming and I have so many bad habits to break and new ones to make. First, welcome to the club and yes, you’re right. But it’s never too late to begin to do things God’s way. He will bless your efforts, this I know.
Parenting is not for the feint of heart. It’s a hard job and there are a lot of things to do and know and remember and learn to do and they all take one of our most precious commodities – TIME. THANKFULLY we have an instruction manual and we have the Holy Spirit and we have other Godly women to walk this out with us. And goodness knows we’re not gonna get it right all the time. I need do-over days just like everybody else, but we gotta give it our best.
As parents, it is our job, our responsibility, to teach our children about Jesus and how to act like Jesus; the good He’s done for them and the good He has in store for them. And that? Is worth our time. That’s a legacy worth leaving.