Connecting your Child to Christ (Part 2 of 3)

So, last time, we left off here.  Soak in these first two paragraphs again because they are oh-so important…

God intends for us to model His character to our children.  Scripture tells us that we are to give our children affection, compassion, protection, provision and loving discipline.  When we provide this kind of environment, children then believe that HE is loving and compassionate and protective and gracious and a loving disciplinarian.

But in a home that exhibits the opposite – homes with a lack of affection or compassion or where there’s yelling or neglect or punishment and especially abuse, they begin to see God in THIS way.  A mean God; a God of no grace.  They see Him in a way that is untrue of who He really is; a way that leads to deep, deep wounds and the inability to apply His true character to their lives.   We have to act in ways that are consistent with Him – THAT is how we will connect our children to Christ the most…and this is especially is true of how we discipline.

I feel like the “d-word” can be a controversial issue and it shouldn’t be and I don’t want it to be here.  I think oftentimes we hear discipline and our brain immediately thinks, spanking.  Spanking is a form of discipline and it’s one of the things we use at my house, but the word itself comes from a Latin word “disco” which means to learn or get to know.  It does NOT mean punishment – there’s a big difference between the two.

Hebrews 12 tells us five main things about discipline.  It says that:

1.) God disciplines those He loves

2.) discipline corrects

3.) it is not punishment

4.) it is for our best

5.) it is to be done in the character of God

So, this (discipline) is what we’re to do for our children.  Proverbs is chocked full of scriptures on the importance of disciplining children and the responsibility we have as parents in disciplining them.  We are to TRAIN them, to TEACH them, to GET THEM TO KNOW God’s best.   That is discipline.  It’s God’s way of parenting.

We have to remember that they’re just little kids.  They don’t come out of the womb knowing every rule, every social norm, every right from wrong – it’s our job to teach them these things…even if we have to teach them 15 times a day…it’s our job and we are accountable to the Lord regarding it.

When a child misbehaves, we discipline to correct the poor behavior, we invoke an age-appropriate consequence (timeout, spanking, loss of privileges, etc.) and we teach them the correct behavior.

Discipline isn’t something to be done in haste.  It takes time.

• We might have to take a minute to cool down.

• Then we need to get on their level and get their eye-to-eye attention.

• Then we have to explain to them why they are getting disciplined.  – “Do you know why you’re in timeout?  It’s because you were disobedient.  I asked you to stop/put it down/come here/sit/pick it up and you chose not to.  That’s being disobedient and that doesn’t honor mom and dad and it doesn’t honor Jesus.”

• Then we need to explain how they should act differently next time. –  “Next time when mom or dad asks you to stop/put it down/come here/sit/pick it up, let’s do it on the first try” or “Next time, instead of back-talking and whining, let’s just say, “Yes, mom” and then if you have a real question about it, then you could ask it politely afterwards.”

• Then we should pray with them.  We find it helpful to have them repeat after us. –  “God, forgive me for being disobedient.  Please help me to honor you and mom and dad by being obedient.  I have no hope of being obedient without your help.”

• Then we need to hug and kiss and remind them that we love them and then move on.  Don’t hold them in their sin…because God doesn’t do that to us.  It’s done and gone…as far as the east is from the west.

And that’s all a simple scenario!   That’s not the time your sweet little pumpkin throws a fit or screams or cries or pulls away while you try to discipline.   Please tell me that doesn’t just happen at our house on occasion?  It’s hard work and it takes time.

A wise momma once said, “You can’t teach character in the fast lane.”  Man, is that ever true!  Discipline is one of those things that we can’t do in 10 seconds and hope they got the lesson and won’t do it again.  That doesn’t work.  That’s not real discipline because they aren’t learning anything positive.  They might learn that mom has a temper or that she swats you from behind if you misbehave…that is punishment and that’s not effective discipline.

You can scare/intimidate/or terrify a child to get a certain response or correct action, but that doesn’t mean that they have learned WHY they aren’t to act in that manner and it doesn’t give them the choice to change in the future.  They aren’t striving to be obedient because they LOVE you, it’s because they are afraid of you and the ensuing punishment.  It’s just like us with the Lord.  He wants us to be obedient to Him as a result of our love for Him, not because we’re afraid He’s gonna zap us.

When you consistently disci­pline your child and do it with the right attitude — compassionately, with emotions under control, with consistent boundaries and consequences, and you focus on the child’s best outcome — you are expressing love exactly as God expresses His love. It may seem uncom­fortable at the time, but in the long run, it’s the most selfless, compassionate thing you can do to set your child up for fruitfulness in God’s Kingdom…