Pressing In

I have a temper.

And I hate it.

I’m an opinionated, passionate, perfection-loving, anxious person and the unsanctified parts of those things tend to rear their heads through frustration and anger.

I try to be even keel – that helps when you have small children – but sometimes, it gets the best of me.  After the 300th time that I have to repeat the rules that have yet to change since the beginning of rules – no banging on the table, no back talking, no pushing your sister, no jumping off of the coffee table, not getting ON the coffee table, no pulling Sayble around by her legs, no dumping out the dog food, no putting food from our plate on the floor, no sneaking snacks without asking, no screaming while Sayble naps…you get my drift – my flesh takes over and I go into angry-lecturing parent mode.

It doesn’t happen all of the time or even the majority of the time, but one time is one too many and I find myself fighting with that urge more than I’d like.  The Lord gave us emotions and He gave us the ability to feel anger but He does not give us the ok to sin in our anger; when I raise my voice or roll my eyes or let an exasperated naughty word slip or lecture on and on and on hoping they get the point?  That doesn’t please Him.

Anger is one of those really difficult emotions because in the moment, you feel completely justified.  Whatever you feel like doing in rebuttal MUST be ok because of what the offender did or said.  BUT?  That’s just not the case.

The Word says repeatedly that the Lord is slow to anger and abounding in love.  While He’s flipped some tables for the sanctity of His holy place, we don’t see Him on this constant rampage with a furrowed brow and venomous lips.

Parenting is HARD.  HARD, I tell you!  In this stage, with three littles under the age of 6, it can be exhausting.  There is so much physicality to the job right now.  One day, it will switch to more of a mental exhaustion and we’ll be craving those dirty diapers and untied shoes again, won’t we? 

As a mom – especially one that has the luxury to be with her babies all day, every day, weekends-mean-nothing – we are constantly pouring ourselves out to tend to their needs and mend their hearts and navigate their emotions and guide them back to the trail to kindness and righteousness.  Add in the daily chores of laundry, dishes, meal prep, feedings, cleanings, prayers, school work, yard work, etc. and the weight of all of those duties can pile up and sends us teetering on the edge of a meltdown.

While I do want our home – our sacred place – to be a place of peace of righteousness, how I respond to the sins of my children will determine the tone of my household more than their choices do. 

They’re not perfect.  They’re gonna sin.  That’s what they do!  But how I handle that will either lead them TO Jesus or AWAY from Him.  Another big job to add to our list, yes?

This weekend, I felt like we had all been really busy this past week and because of that, our prayers had become choppy and repetitive and insincere.  We regrouped together as a family on Sunday night and we began praying things that aligned with the heart of the Lord.  When we take our desires to Him – things that HE desires for us as well – He is faithful to move on our behalf.

He doesn’t want me to be angry.  He doesn’t want me to sin in my anger.  He doesn’t want me to speak harshly.  His desire for me is to be slow to anger and abounding in love.  And that has been my prayer.

Prayer is not an argument with God to persuade him to move things our way, but an exercise by which we are enabled by his Spirit to move ourselves His way.

While I desire obedience for my children, let the sanctification and obedience start with ME.  I still pray they choose obedience but oh, I pray for me to be more like YOU.  I want to move myself your way…

Lord, we want to be more like You, simple as that.  Isn’t that the goal?  That with each day and week and year, the maturing Christian would look less like the world and more like Jesus?  Pressing in to get there…

Worth 1,000 Words: Easter Edition

I’m behind.  I know.  But we had a SPECTACULARLY MARVELOUS Easter!

We stuffed 100 eggs to take to the cousin egg hunt down in Oklahoma…

Yum yum!
Yum yum!

We took communion together and remembered all the Lord has done for us…

Sweet girl
Sweet girl
and boy
and boy

He spilled his juice LITERALLY as Wrex was saying, “This is my blood poured out…”  It was perfect timing…

We colored Easter eggs.  We tried the fake ones this year as the others never really get eaten.  Not a fan.  The real ones are better.

Serious business
Serious business

I made cookies for all the cousins (and the RaRa) for their Easter baskets I took down…

Yum yum for sure!
Yum yum for sure!

We gave the kids their little goodies before we left…

Lots of pink!
Lots of pink!

This cute girl…I just love her to pieces!

Hip to the max
Hip to the max

We headed south, loaded for bear!

Thank the Lord for the Suburban
Thank the Lord for the Suburban

Uncle Waco and Aunt Amber surprised us and came to Aunt Tootsie’s too!  We all had such a good weekend!  The kids went on a MASSIVE egg hunt!

All the grands in one place - love.
All the grands in one place – love.
There were eggs EVERYWHERE!
There were eggs EVERYWHERE!
The boys were quite competitive!
The boys were quite competitive!
The girls, too!
The girls, too!
She was so cute!
She was so cute!
The girls looking through their loot...
The girls looking through their loot…

Sunday morning was a typical Sunday morning.  I got one good picture!

Surely, WD will take this good of pics when he's 5, right?!
Surely, WD will take this good of pics when he’s 5, right?!

Most of his looked like this:

Sigh
Sigh

Sayble wasn’t much better…

This was the best one I got!
This was the best one I got!

She was good DURING church, though…

She loves GooGoo just like everyone else!
She loves GooGoo just like everyone else!

Sawyer snuck in a little snuggle time with Uncle Waco…

She adores him!
She adores him!

And we got to see GooGoo’s new house and try the picture thing one more time!

Np dice.
No dice.

This was the closest we got…

That'll work, yes?
That’ll work, yes?

We got to see Uncle Waco’s new house that they’re building!  Sayble took the tour with him…

Swoon
Swoon

and his little girl took the tour with Wrex…

Cuties
Cuties

It was so much fun, I’m not sure any of us were ready to come home…especially those of us who had to unpack and do the laundry.  😉  I’d do it all again tomorrow if it meant we were all together though…

The Ones I Hold Dear

You know those friends you have in your life that are always, ALWAYS there when you need them?  I feel blessed to have quite a few of those and the past several weeks, there are few that have just captured my heart all over again…

One, is this girl.

Beauty to the nth degree
Beauty to the nth degree

Most days, I feel like I was a better mom when it was just her.  Parents of more than one, please don’t tell me I’m the only one that feels this way.  I just feel like so much of my day is spent picking up after people or taking care of Sayble who eats/sleeps/poops and needs something almost constantly or disciplining Wryder and it feels like my patience and tolerance run out quicker than I’d like…and that’s not fair to her.

I know we live in community and it’s part of being a family and it’s part of having siblings, I just want so badly to do it well…because she deserves that.

The more time goes on, the more I feel like she’s one of those once in a lifetime kind of kids; she’s mature beyond her years, she strives for obedience, she doesn’t push boundaries, she’s quick to forgive, she’s quick to do the right thing, she’s got the heart of a servant, administrator and worshiper, she’s a doer and a fixer and a creator, and one of my best friends on the planet.

Today, she talked to me about how we can choose things for ourselves, but we can’t choose things for others.  See what I mean? 

She constantly chooses to strive for obedience when Wryder doesn’t and she constantly chooses to love me even when I don’t feel lovable.  Lord, help me honor her by giving her more of my best…more of You and less of me.

I love you, sweet girl.  I know I’m not the perfect momma…but I wish I was.  Thank you for thinking I am and for encouraging me to try even harder.

****************

And this pretty, pregnant thing with a banging bedroom.

Isn't she a doll?
Isn’t she a doll?

She’s probably gonna kill me for this, but I *might* be able to (or at least attempt to) outrun her in her baby-will-be-here-in-3-days state.  😉

She is one of the busiest, most efficient, creative people I know…but I have yet to call upon her for ANYTHING and she not answer, and answer quickly.  Scared about some weird health thing?  She talks me off a ledge.  And prays for me.  Confess some horrible parenting ordeal or poor choice?  She’s points me back to Jesus.  And makes me feel better with some story of her own.  Call her with a million website/design/Adobe/computer/color/Apple/blog questions?  She answers.  Every time.  And encourages me and compliments and fills in the gaps when I can’t.  And never makes me feel bad about it. 

She is one of those sisters of the heart that the Lord just plopped in my life…and another one of those, “Why in the world would He make us live so far apart??” kind of friends.

I love you, KJ!  You rock at life.  So glad I get to be a part of yours…

****************

And these people.

Sibs
Sibs

Marrying Wrex was one of the best decisions of my life and besides making a life WITH him, the next best thing I got out of the deal, were these wonderful siblings.  We all got to be together (sans Warner) over Easter and it was so. much. fun.  I rarely laugh more than what I do when I’m with them!

They are fun, funny, ambitious, family-oriented, life-giving, encouraging people and honestly, my life wouldn’t be near as fulfilling if they weren’t in it.  I truly consider them some of my best friends…

My sisters are the best –  I can tell them anything and they are never anything but encouraging!  My brothers are the best – they make me laugh like no other and I get a good dose of sarcasm, general immaturity, sports talk, cow talk, blue-collar talk, good-natured teasing and all-around fun when I’m in their midst.

And?  They all love my kids so. stinking. well.  As a parent, what’s better than that?!

Seriously, you guys…  My heart beats for family and these people make family worth fighting for.  You five have my heart.

Random Rambles

The chicks are alive and well and getting lots of attention.  Sawyer named hers Dot and Penguin Cindi.  Wryder named his Corny and Wheater.  If that boy doesn’t farm or sell tractors one day, I’ll be shocked.

****************

Sayble has mastered pulling herself up – watch out world!

How we found her this morning in her crib
How we found her this morning in her crib

She has been pulling up on the dishwasher, the coffee table, any chair she kind find, the back of my legs – honestly, anything!  She got herself into quite a pickle the other day when she did this:

What do I do, mom?!
What do I do, mom?!

She was so proud of herself but then had no idea how to get down!  That’s been the biggest problem lately.  After she went to bed tonight, she started screeching 20 minutes later.  I went in to check on her and she was standing up in her bed but didn’t know how to let herself back down.  This could be fun for a while…

****************

We talked a lot about Palm Sunday yesterday and what exactly this week means for us as followers of Christ.  During supper, we were reviewing with dad all we learned and Wryder excitedly exclaimed, “Saywer!  Jesus is our King!”  I melt.

****************

It was such a lovely day on Sunday that the kids just had to ride horses.  Sawyer has gotten really good at riding and understanding general horsemanship and, of course, Wryder thinks he has.  🙂

He really likes to say, “Ho” or “Whoa.”  The only problem is that he likes to say it all the time.  That makes going anywhere a little difficult.  Regardless?  He looked darn cute.

Sawyer and Ozark, Wryder and Ernie
Sawyer and Ozark, Wryder and Ernie

****************

Today was one of those days where we didn’t do anything really over the top – we were just together – but it was one of those days I’d do 100 times over.  We played Barbie Pop-Up Camper and learned more about Easter and read stories and did school and explored the back pasture and searched for pine cones and played with chickens and did chores and sang songs…

We have some friends – several friends – who are in the trenches…fighting for answers and fighting for life.  We are so thankful and humbly grateful for our whole, healthy family.

****************

Sawyer wanted to color and create this morning so she got busy with her crayons and made this beauty.

Hosanna!
Hosanna!

In case you can’t tell…that’s Jesus riding on a donkey while someone waves their palm branches.  Be still my heart…

He Is

Today is one of my favorite days of the year when it pertains to church.  Being Palm Sunday, all the cute little kiddos parade down the aisles of the church waving their palm branches proclaiming, “Hosanna!  Hosanna!  Hosanna to the King!”

After we all ooed and awwed over their cuteness and returned to worship ourselves, the weight of Palm Sunday really dropped into my heart.  As I was thinking about Jesus, Palm Sunday marked the beginning of the end.  As He rode into Jerusalem to ultimately meet His death, He was greeted with such celebration and splendor with people laying down their branches and coats in submission and allegiance to Him.  Hosanna…

As I think back on my life, I feel like the one name or attribute of the Lord that is most marked  for me is that of Hosanna.  He IS the God who saves.

He has saved me from a life of mediocrity.  I know a lot of lukewarm Christians…or followers that believe the Lord exists but don’t truly have a vibrant and thriving relationship with Him.  Most of my life, those were the only kind of people I knew.  When I entered college, the Lord changed that for me.  Through some incredible mentors and an extremely handsome guy named Wrex, the Lord showed me what a real relationship and walk with Him looked like and I’ve never looked back.  I’m big on living a life of excellence and that has to start with Jesus.

He has saved me from mediocrity in other ways, too.  For me, there were certain areas of my life that I always assumed would look exactly like what I’d seen lived out in front of me, even though I desired something different.  I can admit that I had high hopes for marriage but there was a part of me that was skeptical.  Did the type of relationship I hungered for really exist?  Today, I can attest that it does, indeed.  Because I was obedient to follow His lead (even though that meant hurting someone else), the Lord gave me an amazing husband!  My relationship with Wrex and my kids is something I treasure (and try not to idolize!) and I’m so glad I didn’t settle in my search for Mr. Right.

He has saved me from warped views regarding myself.  I went through a period of my life where I felt like I just wasn’t good enough…for anyone, anywhere.  I wasn’t smart enough for these people, I wasn’t wealthy enough for these people, I wasn’t thin enough for these people, I wasn’t outgoing enough for these people, I wasn’t funny enough for these people…I wasn’t ever enough.  Sadly, I held these people in the highest of regards (at the time) and I can look back now and see how they really reinforced these ugly things I had started to believe about myself simply by the way they were treating me.  It’s taken a lot of years to untangle some of those webs and I wouldn’t even say that they’re all undone, but I do know that the Lord has used some people from the opposite end of the spectrum – people who really “see” me – to save me from those lies and help set me free with the truth.

He saved me from my own stupidity.  Poor decisions, poor choices, flat out disobedience…  Times I should’ve been dead.  Times I shouldn’t have made it out of horrible circumstances.  Times I should’ve had stiffer consequences.  Times I should’ve never been given a second chance, yet time and time again He has shed His grace on me with loving-kindness and patience.

He saved my life.  Literally, my life.  There are memories related to my health and well-being engrained in my mind that still cause me anxiety.  There are times I made poor choices and He was merciful to me.  There are times when I was trying to be tough and probably should’ve gone to the hospital but He was my healer.  There have been times where I’ve just had some of the weirdest, freak incidents and He has spared me every single time.  Even this winter with the tumor on my thyroid, His mighty hand has saved me (literally!) again and again and again.

He saved my life, my whole life.  I am not a slave to death.  He paid the ultimate price through His death and resurrection and I get to LIVE because of that.  Not just in the here and now…forever.

Palm Sunday is the beginning of the end…but it’s also the beginning of the beginning.  The beginning of the new covenant…the beginning of our salvation through faith…the beginning of the cleansing of our sin…the realization of Hosanna…the God who saves.

Today I Learned…

Sawyer went to the sale barn with daddy today so I got some good one-on-one time with Wryder.  (Well, as one-on-one as you can get around these parts).  Sayble is pretty easy going and doesn’t have too much to say in conversations so it was nice to be able to give him a lot of undivided attention.

The weather was so nice here today – until about one o’clock when the wind rolled in AGAIN – so we set off for the back pasture to explore a bit.

Badger hole?!
Badger hole?!
Poop examinations...
Poop examinations…
Fixing fence
Fixing fence
Wild and free
Wild and free

Today, I learned…

Life is better if you run…

Daddy can fix anything…

Fences can “hot wire” you…

Doritos taste better when dipped in apple sauce…

Jumping really high on the trampoline makes you giggle uncontrollably…

Jumping on the trampoline with bricks is unwise…

Badgers should be trapped and caught and fed corn…

Toy chainsaws can be used to cut anything and everything, including baby sisters…

Woofy momma cows don’t really scare two year old boys standing outside the pen…

Everything should be touched and examined, even poop…

Even the wildest of boys have soft spots for their mommies…

I seriously had a really great day with my little buddy.  Let’s do it again soon, shall we?

Sawyer had fun with daddy, too.  She was already awake when I went to rouse her up at 6:45 this morning.  She hung out with all her sale barn buddies, helped daddy load some calves and sweet-talked her way into mexican food for lunch – a girl after my own heart.

Have a little salsa, babe...
Have a little salsa, babe…

I think we’re all a little tired tonight after a busy Monday and a busy weekend.  We got our fence put back up that the last major wind storm blew over.

Blew it flat over...
Blew it flat over…
Ouch.
Ouch.

We reset 8 posts and reattached the boards and the kids helped clean up all the old wood.

Yes, Wryder is pantless.  At least he has on shoes, right?!
Yes, Wryder is pantless. At least he has on shoes, right?!

Sawyer is so strong for her age.  She carried posts like it was no big deal.

There’s a lot going on this picture and I belly laugh every time I see it…

Little worker bee...
Little worker bee…

Wrex needs new jeans, Sawyer is doing all the work, Wryder is playing with a milk carton, pantless (what the what?!) and they’re loading posts on the pony cart.  Yeah, that’s life at the Phippses!

Sayble enjoyed the afternoon from Wrex and I’s backs.

Look at that smile...
Look at that smile…

We toted her around in this thing for quite a while and she thought it was fantastic!

Sweet girl!
Sweet girl!

Pretty sure I might have a small bald spot from all the fun she had with my hair…

I’m thinking we’re all gonna sleep good tonight…

A Ridiculously Rad Night

Our church turned 30 years old yesterday!  Their very first church service was on March 2, 1986 so we celebrated with an 80s theme party – totally rad!

Wrex and I got to come up with a photo booth for the event and since we had a 3 piece backdrop system, we decided to do three different backdrops for people to choose from.

Didn't they turn out cute?!
Didn’t they turn out cute?!

We, of course, had to do a splatter paint background.  I didn’t know how easy it would be to do but let me tell ya – it was easy.  We didn’t even end up using brushes, we just kinda dabbled our paint containers and it worked out so well!

Cutest little 80's girl I know!
Cutest little 80’s girl I know!

The other easier one we did was the one with bright colored lines.  We just used neon duct tape and went to town laying down strips of color. I really liked how it turned out, especially for the photo booth.

Simple and fun!
Simple and fun!

The favorite of the night was the PacMan backdrop!  It is pretty cool, isn’t it?!  I dyed the sheet black (and got it grey -ha!) and then my mathematician husband took the photo I found online and scaled it and we got to work.  We used duct tape for the game board and then I just used cardstock for all of the characters and circles.  It really turned out great for not a lot of cost, just time.

Pacman!
Pacman!

We wanted a few bigger props so we made a giant rubix cube using a cardboard box, poster board and a LOT of black tape…

Awesomeness...
Awesomeness…

a giant Etch-a-Sketch out of an old red frame we had…

Oh man, he's cute!
Oh man, he’s cute!

and no 80’s party is complete without a boombox, courtesy of a Pampers box, some duct tape and some cardstock!

Boom.
Boom.

We blew up some pictures at Staples and did our faux canvas work and hung those up for everyone to giggle at…

Back in the day...
Back in the day…

A fellow church goer decorated the fellowship hall and turned it into a totally bodacious space!

Fun!
Fun!

There was cake and live music – just a lot of fun!

Yum!
Yum!

It was just a REALLY fun night!  It was easy and laid back and people totally got into the 80s spirit…it was just a really nice night to fellowship and be thankful for such a wonderful church family.

My crew got all dressed up for the event, of course.

It's 80s night!
It’s 80s night!

Sawyer looked so cute, she could be in style no matter what the decade…

So cute!
So cute!

Same for Sayble…

:)
🙂

and Wryder, too!  His outfit was hard for me to come up with…but then I remembered that I had some of Wrex’s clothes FROM 1986ish and so Wryder wore Wrex’s old shirt and jacket and looked CUTE.AS.A.BUTTON!

Oh man, he's cute!
Oh man, he’s cute!

I was the last to get dressed of course and did the best I could!  I’m pretty sure the 80s color palette is not my favorite, but I worked it!

One of every color...
One of every color…

The winner…hands down…was Wrex!

He's all mine, ladies....
He’s all mine, ladies….

I found this windsuit at the local thrift for $3!!!  The tag said it had been there since September.  THANKFULLY, I snatched it just in time!

His beard had been bothering him for a while now but we all really like it.  He decided last night was a good night to shave it off…and leave mutton chops. *ahem*

Yeeeeaaaahhh...
Yeeeeaaaahhh…

I’m pretty sure some people will never be the same after seeing all that…

Oh.  My.  Goodness.
Oh. My. Goodness.

It was a ton of fun, despite the facial hair madness that he STILL hasn’t fixed yet.

Yesterday was also a special guy’s birthday!  One of our favorite friends and pastors had a birthday yesterday and Sawyer wanted to make him a cake, so we did!  She did 98% of the work herself!  He wanted chocolate cake so we turned Grandma’s delicious chocolate sheet cake into a layer cake…

Making the batter...
Making the batter…
Letting them cool...
Letting them cool…

She REALLY to do sprinkles and candy hearts so we tried to limit them to just a few 🙂 and then she made a birthday banner for the birthday boy and delivered it with balloons, to boot!

Happy Birthday, Mr. Bill!
Happy Birthday, Mr. Bill!

Today, we’re all recuperating.  I did the math and Sayble’s about 6 hours of sleep behind schedule – ha!  Don’t call us between 1-4…we’ll all be napping!

I Heart Heart Day

I know I’ve mentioned it before – I’m a sucker for Valentine’s Day!  Hate all you want; I think setting aside a day to really go out of our way to show someone we love them is a fine way to spend our time.  Who doesn’t love that?!

For Fun Friday, the kids helped make cupcakes!

Lining the pan
Lining the pan
Getting hers done, too!
Getting hers done, too!
My mixer
My mixer

Decorating them is obviously the best part…and I always feel like SUCH a good mom afterwards because it really pushes me outside of my comfort zone.  I’m not the biggest fan of messes or 501 little, round sprinkles all over the place but I do it because I love them.  And it’s fun.

Intensity
Intensity
Yep, those are the ones...
Yep, those are the ones…
They turned out REALLY cute!
They turned out REALLY cute!

And, of course, Wryder had to be rewarded for his efforts…

YUM!
YUM!

Our sweet friend/mail lady, Pam, brought goodies to the house in the form of chocolate bars (which Wryder inhaled!) and mail from friends.  We sent her home with a cupcake, too!

On Saturday, I woke up to this gorgeousness…

Swoon.
Swoon.

I LOVE getting flowers!  I vow not to be the woman who thinks they’re a waste of money because all they do is die.  They are life and they bring life – I’m a big fan.  🙂

I loved the balloon, too!  I remember when I was growing up that I always, always wanted a helium, mylar balloon, though I don’t know that I ever asked for one.  It was either my tenth or twelfth birthday, my parents got me several and I was over the moon!  I kept them deflated and pinned to my bulletin board until I left for college.  I kinda wish I still had them… 

Wrexy knew my love for them and surprised me with a huge one!  Wryder and Sawyer though we should practice letting the cat jump through the center.  I vetoed that.  *ahem*

We were saving our steak dinner for Valentine’s day so I decided to make heart hamburgers (with bacon, of course) for lunch.

Nothing says love like beef...
Nothing says love like beef…
and bacon!
and bacon!

The kids LOVED this!  Especially the bacon part – a treat around here!

YUM!
YUM!

Sawyer, of course, dressed for the occasion – heels and all!

Oh, this girl...
Oh, this girl…

Sunday, we went to church and ate a little chinese food for lunch…

Those sweet smiles!!!
Those sweet smiles!!!
Handsome!
Handsome!

We found out Sayble REALLY likes ice cream like her PaPa!

Get that spoon over here!
Get that spoon over here!
Oh yeah...that's more like it!
Oh yeah…that’s more like it!

Then we came home to check on the gentlemen working on our shop and barn.  The shabby chic will soon be no more as we’re getting tin put on.  The shop is almost done and then they’ll throw the sides of the barn on.

The shop, minus the trim and doors
The shop, minus the trim and doors
I'm afraid I may miss this guy's worn, weathered look...
I’m afraid I may miss this guy’s worn, weathered look…

We have scrimped and saved and my hubby has worked his tail off so we could do this little project; we are so excited that it’s getting closer to done!  It’s gonna look pretty fancy around here…or at least a little less shabby.

It was a good weekend!  I posted this on Facebook but I’ll post it here, too.

In the midst of all of our Valentine shenanigans, Sawyer made a crown and hung it on the wall at our dinner table.

King of Kings
King of Kings

She said it was so we would remember that Jesus loves us.

My heart delights that she knows this already and I pray she takes Him at His word. He LOVES us…without condition or premise…and despite our past (or even our present) situations!

He IS the lover of our souls; the lead role in the greatest love story ever told. We can’t outrun His love, friends – it will always find us…  Let him…

Hope

Friends, today I write to you with a spirit of gratitude…  I’ve been absent a bit but with good reason.

The week before Christmas, I was sitting in the kitchen talking to Wrex after he had gotten home one night and I was telling him that my neck looked fatter than normal lately.  (I’ve always had a poofier neck and was diagnosed with a goiter when I was in high school.  I have my thyroid tested twice a year and it’s always normal so it’s never been a huge cause for concern…other than me hating how it looks.  Vain, I know.)

As I was talking to him about my neck, I reached up to touch it and I got the shock of my life; I felt a huge lump on the right side of my thyroid.  Huge.  Like golf ball huge.  As soon as I said something, he could immediately see it, too.  I called the clinic the next morning (a Friday) and they saw me that afternoon…and didn’t like what they saw.

I had a CT scan on Tuesday and Tuesday afternoon they called me with the results.  I had cystic masses on both sides of my thyroid and the one on the right (the one I felt that night) had a nodule or hard tissue/tumor on it.  I needed to go to an ENT and get a biopsy…and between the holidays that were approaching, it was going to be February.  Not really the amount of time I wanted to wait….but wait we did…for a few days.  The clinic called back and the doc had showed my scans to a retired ENT and he thought we needed to speed up the process.  Good….and scary.

I got an appointment for the 15th of January in Fort Collins and in the meantime, we were waiting it out. We didn’t feel there was a reason to alarm the masses but we wanted to tell a few close friends who we KNEW would be praying for us…who would really pray…and obviously, we wanted to tell Wrex’s family.  I did NOT want to tell everyone at Christmas and have all eyes on me or kill the mood or whatever but Wrex didn’t really want to call everyone individually.

We kept waiting for a good time to bring that up in conversation – it just doesn’t fit too well anywhere, ya know?!  The day before we all gathered up to go home, Wrex’s dad wanted us to have some time as a family to tell each other what big things were going on in our lives that we could all be praying for each other about.  Hello, open door….we shall enter.

Two days after we got home from Christmas in Nebraska, Wrex’s mom called to ask our opinion or encourage us to go to the Mayo Clinic.  I could hear him talking to her and I just sat in the chair, quietly.  Prior to this, my “adopted-mom” suggested the same thing.  I had received it somewhat flippantly because when I think of Mayos, I think of someone on their last leg of survival and I didn’t feel like I was that far gone.  After Wrex’s mom suggested it though, I told him about the prior recommendation and we both felt like it was confirmation that we should at least look into it, knowing that the odds of us getting seen (and getting seen soon) were probably slim to none.

So, I nosed around online while he was out doing chores and I found a “request an appointment” link.  I filled out the forms, hit send and it notified me that someone would get back to us in 3-5 business days.  That was 10:30pm.  At 8:30 the next morning, my phone rang…and it was the Mayo Clinic…and they could see me on the 11th of January.  We were just beside ourselves at how quick THAT whole process happened.  We felt assured that this was the way the Lord was leading.

I, of course, was worried about money and did NOT want to leave my babies.  We had NO idea how long we’d be gone or what they would find or what they would need to do to fix the situation…  We were praying that it was benign and that we’d be home in a few short days!

We decided to take Sayble with us to ease the load of work for RaRa (Wrex’s mom) who was going to stay with the kids.  We built this up as an exciting time for them to spend a few days with her while I got my neck looked at so we wanted them to truly get to play and make memories without a lot of work.

Wrex’s boss called during the week before we left reassuring Wrex that the company wasn’t going anywhere without him and to take as much time as he needed.  He instructed us that we better be taking the company pickup and that he was buying the fuel.  Wrex told him that he couldn’t allow him to do that and his (sweet ole) boss said he wasn’t asking, he was telling…and that was that.

We left Sunday morning at 5am and Sayble was a stinkin’ ROCKSTAR.  She slept all the way to Kearney where we stopped and fed her and ourselves, was quite content all the way to Iowa where we ate lunch and then slept again the last 2 hours of the trip.  She. Did. AWESOME.

Just so you know, it’s COLD in Minnesota.  Colorado is not cold.  Nebraska is not cold.  Texas is DEFINITELY not cold.  Minnesota?  Is cold.  When we rolled into town, it was 10 degrees below zero.  Yeah.

Rochester is chocked full of hotels, mainly due to the Mayo Clinic.  A lot of them are older so we weren’t sure what to totally expect.  We found a Quality Inn online that had been remodeled on the inside and was more than willing to work with us regarding adding more days to our stay or cancelling some that we didn’t need.  It was $75/night so that for sure appealed to Wrex.  🙂

When we opened the door to our room, we got a HUGE surprise and blessing!  We had a suite!  With 3 beds and a kitchenette and two TVs and two dressing areas – it was PERFECT!  I had been so worried about how well Sayble would sleep not being in her own bed and with us in the room and we didn’t have to worry about that all.  She slept like a rock in one room and we slept soundly in the other.  He cares for our every need.

Our appointment was at 1:00pm and prior to it, my phone was going nuts with some of my favorite people encouraging me. I didn’t text anyone or remind anyone that Monday was a big day…they just remembered…and had been praying…and reached out to me in a monumental way…

<3
Wowed…

 

We got there in plenty of time so as not to get lost.  That place is HUGE.  HUGE.  We can talk about that later but really.  HUGE.  In it’s enormity, it’s very easy to find your way around.  We walked straight to our waiting room, checked in and saw the doctor within five minutes.  No, I’m not even kidding.

She assessed my reports, took me to an ultrasound room and ultrasounded my neck herself, remeasured everything, agreed we needed a biopsy and blood work. She ordered everything on the computer and sent me on my merry way!

After you leave the exam room, you check out with the nurses desk where they look at what she ordered and work to get you scheduled.  We explained that we were from out of state and that while we didn’t want to wait another week, we understood that today might not work to get everything done.  Not this trip. She scheduled my lab work for 15 minutes later and my biopsy for 3:00pm!  Seriously, you guys…that place….

I had been working at hydrating myself the week and a half prior because blood draws and IVs don’t get along with my veins.  Before my CT scan, it took 3 pokes for a blood draw and 9 for an IV.  Not. Even. Kidding.

We walked down to the lab, checked in, sat down, watched them call about 15 other people in 5-10minutes times and then it was my turn.  I sat down, she touched around on my arm while making small talk about my day and where I was from, gave me a small roll of gauze to squeeze, poked me with one poke, got what she needed, took the gauze from my hand, wrapped it around my arm, chatted about our kids for a minute or to and sent me on my merry way!  I don’t think I was there 3 minutes.  They. Are. Amazing.  No wasted motions… From the little cubicle type area I was in, you could see a conveyor belt of sorts behind the panels in the wall making it’s way…somewhere…with all of those blood draws.

We ate a snack in the not remotely over-priced cafeteria.  That was the other thing I was expecting…to be gouged…to be leaking like a sieve from our pocketbooks as we paid for little things (like snacks, especially with my blood sugar issues).  Water? $1.  Muffin?  $1.49.  Yogurt? $1.19.  Chicken Caesar salad? $3.99.  It was completely reasonable, thankfully.

At 3, I went back up for my biopsy and that crew was just as kind, professional, joyful and efficient as the rest.  They used an ultrasound to find the cyst and tumor and used it guide their needles as they took sample cells to test.  They also tried to aspirate, or drain, the cyst as much as possible to relieve some of the pressure it was putting on my neck and tongue.  They were able to get about 3-4cc or what he considered to about half.  The cyst fluid itself is a lot like Karo syrup in consistency so that was the best they could do, even with their biggest needles.  The procedure didn’t really hurt at all but was a little sore later on that night.

Just a little band-aid...
Just a little band-aid…

We were all done by 4:00 pm and we just couldn’t help but take a deep breath and smile.  We had had SUCH a good day.  We had NO IDEA what the results would say but we knew we were in the right place no matter what.  We celebrated with some Texas Roadhouse and the College National Championship Football game.  Our follow up appointment was scheduled for 4:00pm the next day so we were just taking it easy…

We ate a leisurely breakfast the next morning and were slowly getting around when the endocrinologist from Mayo’s called asking us to come in earlier.  We had NO idea what that meant but hurried up there.  She saw us right away and gave us the good news that the tumor was BENIGN!  Praise the LORD!  We were (and are!) so thankful!  All of my blood work came back normal so their recommendation was no surgery unless it began to impede swallowing, talking or breathing.  If they did surgery, they would have to take out that lobe of the thyroid and since it was functioning properly, that is not something they wanted to do right now because it would just create a whole new host of symptoms and problems that we’d have to sort out.

After looking over the rest of my chart notes and complaints I brought along, she wanted me to see the neurologist for my sinus/migraines and to see the nutritionist and dietician in the endocrinology department to see if they could help with my blood sugar issues.  She warned us that neurology was about 6 months out and nutrition was about 3-6 weeks out but she thought we should just order them and see what we could find.  Wanna guess what happened?!

Yep.  Neuro appointment that afternoon and nutrition/dietician appointments for the next day.

The neurologist was an older gentleman that has written at least seven books regarding Parkinson’s disease and was so sweet and fun to visit with.  We did some visiting and he did a small exam and gave me a prescription for a drug that the Mayo Clinic themselves compounds that is his favorite when it comes to migraines.  Sounds good to me!

The next day, I got to meet with the nutritionist and while getting news that my thyroid was benign was INCREDIBLE, my meeting with this lady might just save my life.  After talking with her regarding my blood sugar issues, she diagnosed me with reactive hypoglycemia.  I’ve struggled with low blood sugar ever since I was pregnant with Wryder three years ago and NOTHING I have done has been working.

I was told to stay away from sugar, eat lots of protein and very few carbs…which is almost the opposite of what I should be doing.  I was eating a heavy protein diet and not NEAR enough complex carbohydrates and my body was just blowing through that protein as fast as it would a piece of candy.

For whatever reason (that’s the part I wish I knew!) my body breaks down food really fast after eating so I get a woosh of glucose which triggers a woosh of insulin (too much) which sends my blood glucose too low and I get symptomatic (shaky, sweaty, weak, nauseous, irritable, unable to make a decision, dizzy, anxious, etc.) and on a cellular level I’m just as much of a wreck…

For the past three years, I’ve either just constantly been chasing that roller coaster of a glucose curve trying to make the symptoms go away as quick as they came OR I’ve been completely over-eating so that I could try not to feel any of those symptoms.  When I would feel symptomatic, I would grab a cheese stick or a handful of nuts or a spoonful of peanut butter – trying to stay away from carbs.  WRONG!

She laid out an eating plan for me that has me eating 6 meals a day, each about 300 calories with 2-4 complex carb choices during meals 1, 3 and 5 and 1-3 complex carb choices at meals 2, 4 and 6.  I’ve eaten this way for the past 6 days now and man alive……..I already feel like a completely different person.

It’s been a lot to chart and balance…I had to put it all in an Excel spreadsheet and tape it to my fridge, yall!  I know it will be something I have to be diligent about despite all of the other irons I have in the fire.  My wonderful husband helped me on Sunday (and we’ll do the same today) to portion out all of my proteins and naturally occurring sugars and carbs.  I have a fridge full of tupperware with portioned snacks/meals ready to go because I know that life WILL happen and I’ll think I’m superwoman and that I can just go a little while longer before I eat…..and then I’ll regret it and send myself right back into that awful cycle of chasing my glucose…

I know I’m not out of the woods yet and that I have a long way to go to maintain that eating plan but I feel SO VERY HOPEFUL.  Hopeful.

In readying myself for the trip to Minnesota, I did some talking to my brain and prepared myself to see some people who were a lot worse off than I was…and while we saw a few, we mainly just saw HOPE.

During my last appointment, Wrex and Sayble were walking all the halls and underground tunnels and when I called to tell him I was done, he told me to meet him at the little museum on the subway level.  I’m seriously fascinated with the place so I thought that was a great idea.  Here’s what you see right when you walk in….

HOPE
HOPE

The Lord heard our cries and He answered us, friends.  I will never forget this trip or this experience and the ways He has been so faithful to us over and over and over and over again.

I know this was a really long post and I know I probably left out a million details and examples of His faithfulness…  I didn’t know if I really wanted to share ALL of this with the world but I just felt so passionately hopeful and grateful that I just couldn’t help but do so…

More later on the Mayo Clinic in general but for now, it’s snack time!

Can’t Get Enough

We’ve had daddy home for 10 of the past 11 days (thank you, sale barns!) and tomorrow we must give him up to the sale barn again.  We have had such a good time together; no amount of days off would be “enough” for me.

Being a wife to my handsome hubby and a mom to my three cuties is better than I ever imagined it would be…better than I ever could have dreamt it…  Are there hard days?  Of course.  Are there days when I need to run to town just for a little bit of quiet?  Sure.  Are there times when Wrexy and I need to recharge and get back to the basics of our marriage?  Absolutely…but being a wife and mom are the best jobs I’ve ever had.  My soul is satisfied with this calling…

While daddy was home, we…

went on a family date…

They loved their root beer in a boot - boot beer!
They loved their root beer in a boot – boot beer!
Wryder kept her entertained long after her sweet potatoes were gone...
Wryder kept her entertained long after her sweet potatoes were gone…

had family fun day where Sawyer and I got pedicures while the boys (and Sayble) had ice cream and went to Menards…

Sweet little feet
Sweet little feet

celebrated with Sawyer as she finally earned that Barbie Pop-Up Camper!  We are so proud of her!

With her completed chore chart!
With her completed chore chart!
They had one in stock!
They had one in stock!
Taking it to the truck
Taking it to the truck

We had concerts…

They're gonna be famous...
They’re gonna be famous…

checked out the nativity scene in the neighboring town…

So excited!
So excited!
I love my babies...and baby Jesus
I love my babies…and baby Jesus

took selfies where mom’s arm didn’t quite reach…

Help!
Help!

played Paw Patrol, farm version…

This made me laugh!
This made me laugh!

ridden horses…

He's really gentle...
He’s really gentle…

crawled around with this cutie…

She has mastered the army crawl...
She has mastered the army crawl…

worked on trailers, took down Christmas decorations, played a mound of games, listened to at least 15 episodes of Adventure in Odyssey, watched a ton of football and just enjoyed being together!

I remember my parents telling (and re-telling) the story of me opening gifts at my grandparents’ house one Christmas.  They always did things BIG and I had opened gifts for a bit and I laid back in a pile of wrinkled wrapping paper and said, “Oh, the more I get the more I want!”  I’ve come a long way since then. *ahem*

I feel this way about my family, though; the more time I get with them, the more I desire!  They are my best friends, my closest confidants, the ones I get to minister to and the ones who minister to me.  They know me better and love me more than anyone on the planet and for that alone, I am so grateful.

My hearts....minus the baby who was sleeping.
My hearts….minus the baby who was sleeping.

We will send daddy off with smiles tomorrow and eagerly await his return home.  I’m so thankful that while he’s off buying cows and providing for our fam, that I get to stay home and hang with these babies all day.

Sawyer and I have a date to play Barbie Pop-Up Camper WITH water in the pool and Wryder wants help making a card for Goo Goo and I have no doubt Sayble will want me to make funny noises and kiss her cheeks and snuggle her in the chair.  I love these guys…I just can’t get enough…