I have a temper.
And I hate it.
I’m an opinionated, passionate, perfection-loving, anxious person and the unsanctified parts of those things tend to rear their heads through frustration and anger.
I try to be even keel – that helps when you have small children – but sometimes, it gets the best of me. After the 300th time that I have to repeat the rules that have yet to change since the beginning of rules – no banging on the table, no back talking, no pushing your sister, no jumping off of the coffee table, not getting ON the coffee table, no pulling Sayble around by her legs, no dumping out the dog food, no putting food from our plate on the floor, no sneaking snacks without asking, no screaming while Sayble naps…you get my drift – my flesh takes over and I go into angry-lecturing parent mode.
It doesn’t happen all of the time or even the majority of the time, but one time is one too many and I find myself fighting with that urge more than I’d like. The Lord gave us emotions and He gave us the ability to feel anger but He does not give us the ok to sin in our anger; when I raise my voice or roll my eyes or let an exasperated naughty word slip or lecture on and on and on hoping they get the point? That doesn’t please Him.
Anger is one of those really difficult emotions because in the moment, you feel completely justified. Whatever you feel like doing in rebuttal MUST be ok because of what the offender did or said. BUT? That’s just not the case.
The Word says repeatedly that the Lord is slow to anger and abounding in love. While He’s flipped some tables for the sanctity of His holy place, we don’t see Him on this constant rampage with a furrowed brow and venomous lips.
Parenting is HARD. HARD, I tell you! In this stage, with three littles under the age of 6, it can be exhausting. There is so much physicality to the job right now. One day, it will switch to more of a mental exhaustion and we’ll be craving those dirty diapers and untied shoes again, won’t we?
As a mom – especially one that has the luxury to be with her babies all day, every day, weekends-mean-nothing – we are constantly pouring ourselves out to tend to their needs and mend their hearts and navigate their emotions and guide them back to the trail to kindness and righteousness. Add in the daily chores of laundry, dishes, meal prep, feedings, cleanings, prayers, school work, yard work, etc. and the weight of all of those duties can pile up and sends us teetering on the edge of a meltdown.
While I do want our home – our sacred place – to be a place of peace of righteousness, how I respond to the sins of my children will determine the tone of my household more than their choices do.
They’re not perfect. They’re gonna sin. That’s what they do! But how I handle that will either lead them TO Jesus or AWAY from Him. Another big job to add to our list, yes?
This weekend, I felt like we had all been really busy this past week and because of that, our prayers had become choppy and repetitive and insincere. We regrouped together as a family on Sunday night and we began praying things that aligned with the heart of the Lord. When we take our desires to Him – things that HE desires for us as well – He is faithful to move on our behalf.
He doesn’t want me to be angry. He doesn’t want me to sin in my anger. He doesn’t want me to speak harshly. His desire for me is to be slow to anger and abounding in love. And that has been my prayer.
Prayer is not an argument with God to persuade him to move things our way, but an exercise by which we are enabled by his Spirit to move ourselves His way.
While I desire obedience for my children, let the sanctification and obedience start with ME. I still pray they choose obedience but oh, I pray for me to be more like YOU. I want to move myself your way…
Lord, we want to be more like You, simple as that. Isn’t that the goal? That with each day and week and year, the maturing Christian would look less like the world and more like Jesus? Pressing in to get there…