Some days are hard.
Being a mom is the best job I’ve ever had, and it’s the hardest. Send me 1,000 volunteers and 200 staff and 43 databases and I’ll manage them all day long, but sometimes managing three wee ones gets the best of me.
Today? Is one of those days.
The morning started with the kids saying something that wasn’t meant to be mean or hateful (I can only assume) but it touched on a brokenness inside my heart that hasn’t healed…and it hurt as I tried not to show them that it did. Ever have those moments? Maybe it’s just me.
Being a stay-at-home parent has more advantages than disadvantages and I fully believe that that is what the Lord has assigned for our family…but it doesn’t always make you the “fun” or “popular” parent. I’m with them 24 hours a day and have the responsibility to correct and teach and guide. I’m the one that has to spread my time between each of my littles and cooking three meals a day and feeding Sayble more meals than that and changing diapers and clothes and make sure I’m eating properly so I don’t send myself down the blood sugar spiral and getting the laundry done and making sure this place isn’t a pig sty and teaching school – none of which I hate, it just doesn’t always leave a lot of room for outrageous, spontaneous memories or experiences.
And I’m not one of those moms that thinks that every hour should be spent doing a new Pinterest activity or playing in a sensory box; I’m a HUGE believer in independent, creative play – especially outside – I just want to best use my time to leave a legacy worth leaving with my kids.
My hope is that despite all of my misgivings and failures as a mom, that one day my kids will truly understand all I did for them…understand all I did because I loved them…understand that we tried our best to be fair and consistent and loving in our discipline…understand that being a parent is hard work and that I went to bed most nights wishing I could do the day over again…understand that there is nothing I wouldn’t attempt to do for them or because of them…understand that my love for them knows no bounds or limits or conditions…understand that even on the hard days, I wouldn’t trade what I do for the world.
I don’t know if there has been anything in my life that has made me crawl to the cross more than being a mom…
Last week, Wrex heard the Eric Church song called Three Year Old. He had me listen and I was a blubbering mess because it reminded me so much of Wryder. I was outside playing with the kids at the time and they asked why I was crying and I was attempting to explain to them how much I loved them. Wryder stopped everything he was doing and in the sweetest little voice said, “We wuv you too, mommy.” The rest of the day, he was extra attentive to me and it was so sweet and so needed.
That night at supper, he kept putting his little arm around me and his hands felt so sweet and tiny. He wanted to take an usie and even though I look rough in this picture, I will treasure it always…
We’ve made it through lunch. That counts for something, right?
Nap time is here. I’ll collect myself and pull up my boot straps and tackle the afternoon. That’s what we do, isn’t it?
To all you mommies out there who might be struggling with me today, I salute you! You’re doing a good job.
Keep pointing their hearts toward Jesus.
Keep loving them no matter what.
Keep teaching them and training them and guiding them in the ways that they should go.
Keep your eyes on the Perfect Parent.
Keep singing, “Oh, Lord I need you. Every hour I need you. My one defense. My righteousness. I need you, oh I need you.” (If you ever hear me mumbling this, now you know…)
And drink a Dr. Pepper. That’s the best advice I’ve got.
Boy did I need this. I’m parenting teenagers at the moment and yesterday was a day where I truly felt like a complete failure. My husband reminds me regularly that our work is not yet done and that we must continue to fight for all that we hope and dream for our boys. If I didn’t have Jesus at this point in the journey, I’d truly be a goner.
Oh man…I know. We talked about how one day we’ll only wish our problems revolved around the potty and simple obedience. Hang in there, momma! You’re doing a good job!
I really love what you said today. We all have “those” days where we feel less than God’s best for us. Parenting little people is so labor intensive, and once you’ve survived that, it’s mentally intensive. You’ve got to be ready for problems and questions maybe you haven’t completely figured out yourself. But no matter the day we are having, we get the marvelous privilege of joining God in what He is doing in the world, and being grateful for that is all we really need to accomplish in a day. Thanks for your blog!