I feel like I’m to the point that I am READY.
I’m ready to meet sweet Sayble.
I’m ready to labor and push and bring her outside of my body.
I’m ready to snuggle her and swaddle her and get to know her outside of the womb.
I was scared to death of the whole labor process with both Sawyer and Wryder and I don’t feel that way this time…and I pray I don’t pass that point of readiness.
I feel like I’m perched on the diving board and I’m READY to take that leap into the deep end…the house is cleaned and organized and bags are packed and the ‘big brother/big sister’ shirts are made and we have diapers and wipes and formula and bottles and the carseat is in the truck…but labor hasn’t commenced so I can’t take that leap just yet.
I don’t want the longer I wait to increase anxiety, because that happens sometimes doesn’t it? When you feel SOOOO ready and you just wanna jump in feet first but you have to wait and then the enemy starts whispering fears into your ears…general anxiety sets in…and you’re a blubbering mess. Don’t ask me how I know.
I would LOVE to go into labor on my own this time. I haven’t had that luxury with either kid prior…apparently my womb is quite comfy. 😉 I keep telling the Lord that He knows the desires of my heart, but I trust that He’s knows best as well. He has been so faithful this pregnancy, friends.
I had so many fears going into this one. My heart so longs to be obedient to Him and I wasn’t certain that He was ok with us having a third one. I was reminded that He views children as blessings…He wants us to fill our quivers! We have the means and the ability to create more warriors for the Kingdom and He would bless this addition. He is the giver of life so even despite our efforts, if Sayble wasn’t meant to be, she wouldn’t have been. But she IS.
Her story has looked different than the other two, but no less full of His goodness and grace. After watching momma’s go through tough pregnancies and walk beside some as they lost babies and after having a bout of pre-eclampsia the day I was induced with Wryder, I have been so scared that I wouldn’t make it with this one. I didn’t want her to be born early and spend time in the NICU in a different city…I didn’t want to be scared to death and have my life threatened with pre-e…I didn’t know how I would carry her to term when I already felt so huge…
But? We’ve made it…and none of that has come to pass. He has showed me that He is trustworthy…again and again and again… Lest we forget…
We go in for another checkup tomorrow…and until He’s ready for her to make her debut, we will wait expectantly for her arrival. I will savor these kicks and stretches and countless bathroom breaks and never-ending house cleanings and day dreams about her sweet face and the last happenings as a family of four.
Pray for our family in this time…that we would wait well and that we would savor these days together…that labor would come in His time and that all would be safe and well and healthy…that we would honor Him with our story of Sayble’s life…all of our lives…He is most worthy.