We got our propane tank filled a week or so ago…and the rest of my hospital bill (from when I had Wryder) came in the mail Monday…and we’ve made a few trips to the doctor and the pharmacy lately, so today was budget day. Always a good time, yes? No.
I got out the computer and the bills, and opened our online bank account and my budget spreadsheet and went to work. I am so thankful for Wrex’s job. I’m not sure my words could ever adequately describe how it compares to our previous situation. Night and day, people! (In a GREAT way!) He loves it and he’s darn good at it and he has a lot more time at home than his former job. Is it the highest paying job on the planet? Nope, but we have an income – that’s more than a lot of people out there. Plus, he’s always finding little ways to make a few more dollars for our family. Every chance he gets, he’s out doing something extra to support us. He is a great provider and would work four jobs before we were ever left in want, this I know to be true.
So, I sat there with the bills and the calculator and my spreadsheet and was doing some inserting and deleting and adding…and a lot of subtracting…ahem. I was trying to figure out if we could pay those big two (propane and hospital) without transferring money from savings (because that money is off limits in my mind) but because it’s a big, yearly purchase like that, (propane) I just couldn’t make it work. And I hate taking money from savings. Ugh. And I feel like we’ve had to do that a lot this year…for all sorts of random things…as we don’t have a ton leftover at the end of every week/month.
We’ve revisited the budget a lot since Wryder was born and it can be depressing. We’re to the point where there just isn’t money for eating out on Sunday’s after church or for grabbing a pop when we go to town or for going to Denver every other month to see friends…it’s just not there. Tithe and formula and diapers and groceries and check-ups pull rank, ya know? And Wrex and I both have generous hearts (if I do say so myself). We love to give and bless and surprise and come alongside and help…and we haven’t been able to do that kind of stuff (outside of tithing) as of late…and we miss it and long for it.
So, I’m sitting there with my head swimming with questions about what to do and how to make it all work and what we need to cut back on so that we can not steal from savings and so we can give more? I’m kicking myself for spending money going out to eat and on a pop now and then. My heart is screaming about the injustices of it all; that American mentality of entitlement that tells me I deserve certain things in life. Why CAN’T we eat out on Sundays?? Why CAN’T we grab a pop now and then?!? Why CAN’T I buy a few things at a thrift store?!?! And the tears started to come, because it’s a weird place to be in and it feels unfair!
And then…
My sweet little, stuffy nosed girl comes in the kitchen and hands me a paper leaf for the thankful tree. She said, “Mom, can you write on this for me? This one is for Wryder. He said he’s thankful that we have everything we need.”
BAM. Brought back to reality by a wise beyond her years 3 year old. “We do indeed, sweet girl. We do indeed.”
As I wrote those words and stuck the leaf to the tree, my heart softened and my attitude of gratitude swelled. Lord, I have so much to be thankful for. Thank you for reminding me of that, again. You have always provided for us. Even in our darkest hours and driest of bank accounts, you have always provided.
I’m thankful we even have a little kitty to dip out of…I’m thankful my husband has a job PERIOD and with a great company, no less…I’m thankful our insurance hasn’t changed, even with this Obamacare crap…I’m thankful that my family is healthy and whole…I’m thankful we have a roof over our heads and some room to roam…I’m thankful I even have a family and that I’m not still waiting on Mr. Right or waiting for the Lord to open my womb to have children.
We have everything we need. Help me not to be a slave to a bank account, Lord. You are everything we need.
Oh man…amen. I can’t even begin to express just how relatable this is, and how I too have been humbled by the most beautiful and intelligent 3-year old I know. Thank you, Stef. And thank you, Sawyer.
I’m so glad I sat down and took a break to read your blog. You have made my day once again with your inspiration and wonderful way of looking at the world and whatever is dealt to us. Hope you are feeling better now and able to enjoy the beautiful sunshine today! And I agree. We have everything we need. Thank you Lord.
Jean, you are too kind. Thank you. I think I may have turned a corner in the sickness department, yes. We got a little Vitamin D therapy around here and I KNOW that helped! 😉 Just feeling tired. Thanks for reading and commenting – you bless me!
Kami, why aren’t we neighbors?! Miss you, friend.
Love you guys!!!